Off My Chest

Tammi and I were just discussing my moving.

I have my reservations about it of course, but mostly because I know me, and I know that while i'm not and (barring a major mental breakdown)never will be a psychotic raving terror bitch. I still have my own issues.

Some of which I'm not certain that Mags is aware of.
So here's a list, to prepare him.

I'm stubborn. Not like "uh-uh, I don't wanna" stubborn, but like heels-dug-in-pitbull-grip-no-chance-in-hell-I'll-ever-budge stubborn. I will do things my way, if someone tells me there's a better way to do them, I will ignore it and continue to do it my way. (Hence my slight discomfort at having my bookmarks rearranged)

I'm not sensitive, but I am. If my feelings are hurt I will seethe and simmer and insist that they are not until the end of time. I will not cry, I will not get emotional. I am like a rock. This does not mean that my feelings are not hurt, or that I just don't have any. It means I don't like other people to know my weak points, because then they can be used against me. Can we say 'defense mechanism'?

I am anal, sometimes. This is something that's already been discussed a bit. I am anal about the proper hanging of towels, organizing the kitchen cupboards, removing clutter, that sort of thing. This does not mean that I will not hesitate to toss my clothes in the nearest corner at night, or that I won't decide that one night's dishes aren't really enough to warrant a washing so they should sit for a while until there are so many dishes that I don't want to do them at all.

I have a very bizarre parenting method. I don't like punishment, it never has worked with Mina. I will use it on occasion for lack of something better, but it is always followed with a frank discussion of the unacceptable behavior and how taking responsibility for her own actions is part of life. (Yes, I do use those exact words with my 7 year old). I allow tantrums... little ones. I'm 26 and I still want to cry and kick my feet when I don't get something I really want. I have learned to abstain from it, but she hasn't. She has a right to voice her opinion, and her feelings. If they get out of control, she needs to voice them away from me, but she can still voice them. When she's done letting it all out we return to the frank discussion part. If she has behaved in a manner that could cause the death, dismemberment, or severe mutilation of herself or others; I feel a spanking is an appropriate alternative consequence. In other words, it didn't kill you this time, but you need to know that this behavior leads to pain. Sometimes simply saying that I was embarassed by her behavior is adequate to ensure better in the future.
Generally, she's a great kid. But somedays you'd think she's a whole other species.

I am punctual, always. I am always on time for things, usually I am early. I would rather be twenty minutes early than two minutes late. For my employers this is a great thing, for others it generally isn't. If I am late for something I feel off-kilter for the rest of the day, and feel rushed to make up for lost time, even if its only two minutes.

I like to cook, when I want to. Usually when I cook it goes one of two ways, it's either delicious, or awful. Some days I will feel the need to cook for no reason at all. I will bake cookies, banana bread, brownies, etc. randomly. Some days I won't even want to make a bowl of cereal.

Hmmm..what else...

I have projects. On a continual basis I will have at least three projects going, and usually have another four or five on the back burner as things I'd like to do. Sooner or later I will get frustrated with how many things I've started but never finished, and I will jump up and finish them all at once. This can be seen in the fact that I currently have one book I'm reading, two baby blankets I'm crocheting, Neva's computer to fix, a half-made quilt to finish, and Mina's dresser to finish painting. This list doesn't even include the back burner items like: building the mailman a new computer, making a blanket for a friend, sewing Mina some curtains, and framing some of the puzzles I've had around the house for a year or more.

I'm not girly, I never will be girly. Makeup makes me break out, I don't usually wear it, and if I do I regret it within a few days. High heels make me walk like I'm developmentally challenged. I sit spread-legged in dresses. I belch, I fart, and if there is a bug in the house that I feel needs to be killed I will gladly stomp it's little life out on my own. I can and will change my own oil, although I prefer not to as it usually involves me getting dirty motor oil in my hair and that shit's hard to get out. In other words the only thing that's frou-frou about me is my coffee.

I tend to speak first then think; or is it the other way around? When I'm having a good time and relaxed I will generally blurt out whatever's on my mind, without consideration. However, when I'm in a sensitive situation that should be handled with some care I am generally overcareful and sidestep and backtrack so as not to offend or discomfort the other person.

I get goofy. Fairly regularly acutally. It's been somewhat rare lately, and that's a symptom of the stress I've been under recently, but usually I am very goofy. I don't take much seriously, it's probably one of the reasons it's so difficult to make me angry. I will jump around the living room and dance to the Hamster Dance when no one else is around. I will throw food, I will spin around in circles in my office chair, I will randomly pop off with movie lines or little tunes that come into my head, I make blanket forts, I jump on the bed, and more often than not if I am overheard talking to my sister on the phone I will be caught saying "Pooooooooooop, pooooo-ooooop, pooo-ooo-oooo-ooop!". It's an inside joke, you'll never get it, don't try.

So there, for everyone who thought I was an upstanding and moral citizen who could act as a mentor for all in search of such outstanding maturity... you were wrong. Neener, neener, neener.

But I digress... perchance I have been a bit too honest. I just want Mags to be prepared for what he'll have to deal with. I'm not psycho, I am still very odd though.

and now we've all learned a little more about Ariel than we ever really wanted to.
Good-night.