How Do You Open a Discussion...

...About depression? 

No really, how do you sit there with a friend chatting about kids and family and the mundanity of your lives, and then just pop off with "I'm depressed" and have them take you seriously?

How do you open that line of conversation with your spouse?  How do you let them know that no, you aren't just tired.  You aren't just lonely or stressed about something, you're not just a hypochondriac.  You need them to help you, and support you, and motivate you to get through each and every day.

How do you explain it to people?  That every day you force yourself to get out of bed; that all day long all you want is to cry and give up; that every inch of your body feels like it has lead weights attached to it all day long; that you sit there and stare at the pile of cat puke on the floor, then walk past it several times during the day because it's just too much fucking effort to get a paper towel and clean it up!  How do you tell them that you can't even do third grade math in your head anymore because you can't stay focused and the numbers just slip away, you cna't even remember how old you are some days.  That nothing makes you smile anymore, not real smiles or real laughs, the kind that relax your whole body and make you feel good... only the false "everything's fine here, move along" kind of smiles.

I just don't know.  Part of the problem is that they are so busy with their own lives.  Part is that you don't want to worry them.  Part is that you already know what they'll say.  Cheer up!  Oh, I'm so sorry!  You should go see a doctor and get medicated! 

No one really knows what to say when someone is depressed.  Ever since Alex was born I have been struggling with this thing.  It wasn't so bad at first, I thought maybe it was just postpartum blues and so long as I didn't start considering hurting him I would be fine without help.  Then I thought, maybe it's just the lack of sleep?  He kept us awake a lot the first 18 months, and 5 hours of sleep a night over a year and a half would make anyone depressed.  But he sleeps great now, and I'm pretty sure my hormones have recovered from pregnancy at this point.  When people ask why I sound "down" I just tell them it's the weather; which is pretty legitimate here in Oregon.  It rains ten months of the year, it is always grey, and generally cold too.  Even on sunny days, I have trouble.  Less than on grey days, but it's still there.

I don't like doctors, any time I go to see one they run some sort of standardized test on me, tell me they don't know what's wrong and send me on my way.  Last summer I was having heart palpitations, racing pulse, chest tightness, and faintness/dizziness.  They ran blood tests and checked my heart on an ECG.  They found nothing wrong with me.  Of course, I wasn't having any symptoms that day either.  I figure they were just panic attacks, and I ignore them now so I don't panic more that I might be dying of something.

I don't want to go to a doctor about the depression.  I don't want to take anti-depressants and become one more of the unnamed millions who have to take drugs daily to cope with life.  I feel like this is something new and the mass of depression in our nation right now is a symptom of our culture, and if I could just figure it out maybe I could fix it for myself.  I took Wellbutrin for a short time several years back, trying to quit smoking.  I found the sensation disconcerting, like I was just playing a video game of life, rather than actually being a part of it.  I decided to stop taking it when I realized that I didn't care if my car ran off the road while I was driving because I didn't feel like I was really in it.  It was not a good thing to realize, and I decided I didn't want to try anti-depressants again.

I just want someone to talk to about it.  Someone who understands and will know the right things to say to help me cope.  Because I may be depressed, but I'm also lonely, and stressed, and feel unappreciated, and am a bit of a hypochondriac.  And maybe, if someone helped me work through those feelings and supported me by validating those feelings I would be in a better position mentally to manage the depression.

I came to the realization that it was getting worse yesterday.  I dragged myself out of bed.  I had three things to do that day: fold a load of laundry, wash the few dishes in the sink, and clean out the fridge.  I actually had to pump myself up with "I can do this. I can do this!" to get those things done.  And I kept staring at the cat puke on the floor the whole time like it would clean itself up; like picking up the cat puke and throwing it away would be the straw that finally broke my back. 

Last year I caught myself thinking many many times about just driving away, nothing beyond that, just getting in the car and putting it in drive and escaping my husband, my kids, the house, the cats, the chores, the appointments, everything.  I really considered abandoning it all. 

This year the thoughts have changed.  I talked myself out of that idea, and instead find myself thinking about just taking the cats to an animal shelter.  It would save me so much frustration.  I wouldn't have to feed them, or take them to the vet, or get them water, or clean the cat box, or suffer through my allergies, or have a pet door that the neighbor cat uses to sneak into our house and eat the cat food and piss on my walls!  In my mind getting rid of the cats would be so much easier.  The reality is that my family would never forgive me though, and if I gave in to the depression and got rid of the cats what would stop me from giving into it and hurting my kids? or leaving my husband? or (god forbid it gets this bad) hurting or killing myself?

I have to draw the line, I have to fight back and tell the depression that fine, it can have laundry day and turn it into laundry week; it can have the outings to the park on sunny days; it can even have my enjoyment of my favorite foods and my ability to fit into my clothes; but I am keeping the cats.

I'm scared.  It hurts to do things, I'm afraid of everything; everything I could do to feel better is so daunting that I decide not to do it. I feel like a prisoner in my house;  but a prisoner who has a key to the prison door and the warden's permission to escape... yet stays in the prison because it offers security.

The only thing I know I can do is write.  So I'm writing this.

Alex has decided that all pictures of him must include funny faces.  No smiles! I've been busily writing the gardening blog that I started, but figured since I'm on Blogger anyway I may as well say hello here too. 

Things are good, I'm waiting with bated breath for Spring to arrive so I can plant my garden and FINALLY finish my poor half-remodeled kitchen.  I will undoubtedly jump for joy once that's finished, remodeling the rest will be easysauce in comparison.  Just some mud and paint and new flooring.  The kitchen has been challenging though and expensive to boot.

Before the remodel, after the wall oven was removed.

Another before shot. 

Halfway through the remodel, the walls and top half are done, lots more to go.

In other news, nothing is happening.  Well, except for me slowly going crazy from being a stay-at-home parent.  Alex is three now and seems to have just caught on that he completely forgot the terrible twos... a lot of timeouts are in order.  Mina is 13 and spends her time playing computer games, drawing manga, playing percussion in the school band, and trying to weasel out of doing homework.  So far the teen years and toddler years are going fairly easy on me, I have a feeling it is just a lull in the storm though.

Love and miss you all, hope everything is well in your lives. ;)

Name Changes

Um, I started a gardening blog for fun, since my life doesn't have anything worth writing about in it right now. And Facebook is for that anyway. Since the garden blog is called Anywhere Eden I figured I should adjust the name on it to something more appropriate than just Ariel. Stupid Blogger wants my name to be the same on all my blogs though, so now I'm anywhereeden here too. :P Still me behind the keyboard though. Kinda hoping the garden blog will see more action and I can earn a few dollars with AdSense.

It's Been More Than a Year

I don't know if anyone out there is still reading this. I have a lot of spare time on my hands right now and a few projects I've been working on, nothing special. Sometimes I think to myself that it would be good to get back into writing, and that I have a lot of knowledge in different areas that i know there is a market for. I've considered starting a community garden in the mobile home park, or starting a remodeling blog/business, writing about gardening, or creating an online newsletter about Green living, writing a journal style book about our climb toward financial freedom... so many ideas, but when it comes down to it I have no idea how to make them into something useful. I wish I did, or that I knew someone who did that could help me.
If there was any promise that these ideas would pan out into an income I would go full bore to develop them.

Update, if anyone cares, on my life? Aaron has been working for a large company in Portland for the past year. He enjoys the work but not the CEOs, he works long hours and has a long commute to downtown Portland. The money has been great though, he is one of the few IT managers out there that actually get overtime pay. This has enabled us to to do a lot of work on the house, get two of my three student loans paid off, buy a new car, replace a few pieces of furniture that had hit the end of their lifespan, and get ourselves and the kids in to the doctor/dentist/etc. I've been working hard to manage the money to accomplish some goals and get us on the right track for the future.
The kids are doing well, potty training is proving challenging but Alex is still a sweet and thoughtful boy. Mina has hit teen age and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. So far she has done well, middle school hasn't been nearly as rough on her as it was on me, and while her grades are lacking a bit I figure that is just part of the adjustment process and remind her I expect to see them improve with time. She's quiet and sometimes I think she makes an effort to be invisible while at the same time she feels like she's ignored. Honestly it's easy to ignore a kid who is gone most of the time and when she's home either stays in her room or on her computer. I feel bad that that is the case, because I don't mean to ignore her, but some days I just don't even realize she's there.
Meanwhile, my winters are filled with holidays, appointments, and school days. My spring is filled with remodeling the kitchen, planting the garden, and visiting friends back home. Summer is barbecues on the patio, making improvements to the yard, harvesting the garden and processing all the fruits, seeds, and vegetables. I'm learning to can, make salsa and sauces, jams, pies, relishes, pickles... My 82 sq. ft. garden pumps out more produce than I can keep up with. It's great that I am growing more than we can eat and am able to share pounds and pounds of fresh produce with my mom who is on a fixed income and can't always afford the fresh foods she needs to manage her diabetes. I am more proud of that little garden than anything else. :)

It's Been a Long Hard Night, And I've Been...

not blogging, obviously. Nor do I intend to pick back up on it wholeheartedly. Oddly, taking down the baby gate this morning that divided the office from the living room has been like the fall of the Berlin Wall. Suddenly a whole new world has opened up, and not just for the toddler. Closing the office off made it seem much less approachable, now that it is open I have spent more time in it than I had in the past three weeks all in one day. Weird how the visual obstruction made so much difference in my comfort level.

Since I only have two followers and I'm sure they've about given up on me, a simply put update goes like this: Aaron is out of work and has been since a year ago, things had better turn around soon or we will be moving in with my dad. My mom moved nearby over the summer, my sister and brother are now both living with my dad and traveling in shifts so that someone is usually at the house with him. Dad developed Parkinson's a couple years ago and while he's still mostly himself he's getting less so every day. His hands shake, he aches all over, has mood swings, and is very forgetful. Combine the forgetfulness with the mood swings and you have a lot of fights brewing over who stole his book/cup/shoes... glad I am not yet in such dire straits that our family needs to join them. Mina is almost 12, she started band this year, playing the drums. She needs glasses now, not badly yet, but I worry that she'll be like me and her eyes will just get worse over time. She's also in the school's TAG program. Smart, beautiful,... if only she weren't so obstinate. /sigh
Alex on the other hand is not so obstinate, for being almost 2 he's still very agreeable. He is an active, thoughtful little boy. He doesn't talk much yet, but I'm starting to hear more consonant sounds in his words which makes me hopeful that he'll catch up on his own. He may have to, since I have called the county ESD 3 times now and not gotten a single response to my messages. He doesn't spend much time with other kids his age and is obviously uncertain of how to interact with them. Hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to afford to get him into a day care or preschool a few hours a day to give him some better peer socialization.
Aaron spends his days in a funk. I wish I could do something for him but in all honesty he just needs to go back to work. Every interview gets us excited that this will be over, and every time they go with someone else instead of him it is a slap to his psyche. The IT industry is very particular, it's like playing a slot machine. You have to spin the wheel of skills and software/hardware knowledge, and pray a job comes around with that exact combination to hit the jackpot. Sales is sales, plumbers are plumbers, and housekeepers are housekeepers; but no amount of wishful thinking is going to make a Linux database administrator into a Windows application engineer, or Java developer.

I, on the other hand, besides being morbidly depressed about my life circumstances in my off-time, have started harnessing my sense of purposelessness (is that even a word?) for the greater good. I am plotting with the help of Aaron and my sister and a few others to create my own small business, a web-based concept that I pray daily to the Goddess will pay for our not-so-far-off retirement and college for the kids. Maybe by the time the kids are in college it will at least be paying off something. But dammit, I'm a smart cookie and I am wasted sitting around the house applying for minimum wage jobs because my resume is blank after 2005, and even before then it wasn't exactly spectacular. I want to DO something useful. The past month has been spent partially researching what is needed to run a small business, and partially crying in frustration that I keep getting cock-blocked by unexpected things. For example, can I (who can't get on my husband's bank account because I am in check systems and have no money to spare to pay it off) even get a business bank account? I don't know. But I find it highly doubtful. I can't pay an accountant to tell me if an LLC would leave my partner open to personal loss to cover the business's tax liability... so she won't be a partner until I can assure her it won't. The little things are eating my brain, but the big idea is keeping me going.

So that's the update... not exactly in a nutshell is it? What's new with you?

The Power of Positive Thought and Me (I?)

So a friend and I were discussing positive thought in chat and it got me thinking about my own personal philosophy on the matter. I don't necessarily believe in it... but I do.

The way I see it people expect positive thought to be fairly pat in it's definition, think positive and good stuff happens, right?
I see it more as a part of a life philosophy, or at least my life philosophy. I think of it in four parts; the things I do, the way I do those things, the things that are done to me, and the way that I handle what is done to me. I figure kharma handles most of items 1 and 3. I do good things, good things happen to me, I do bad things, bad things happen. Reasonable enough. But the way in which I do those things... whether I will do them well, quickly, and while enjoying them? That's positive thought. Positive thought seems to me to affect your mindset more than outside forces. If you think you can do it, you are more likely to succeed. But this doesn't mean that positive thought is going to get you through a test you don't know the material for, that's more a matter of luck and kharma. And kharma better owe you big time if you think it's gonna make up for your screwup. How I handle what happens to me, those things beyond my control that just seem to happen, is again on positive thought's shoulders.

So if positive thought isn't what gets me by each day, and prayer isn't either (which it isn't), then what DO I do? I actually think about events negatively. Sort of a "just my luck" mentality. Aaron tells me it's a sad way to live. I disagree. For example: Tomorrow Johnny has a job interview. He totally thinks he has it in the bag, he's been using positive thought to help make this happen for himself, he is confident that the new bosses will love him and hire him and maybe he'll get a raise in 6 months and buy a newer shinier car and take his wife on a nice vacation over the summer. If he is hired, he still has his sights set pretty high for that raise as well leaving a lot of room for disappointment. If he is not hired he momentarily loses hope that he will ever get hired and even be able to pay his bills, he wonders why he even bothers, why he always gets his hopes up, maybe even is more upset because he was SO sure he would get the job.

Meanwhile Lola is a negative thinker like myself, she has a job interview tomorrow too. She fears the worst, spends her morning fussing over every detail of her resume, her wardrobe, and how she will present herself at the interview. She is pretty sure she won't get the job, because it just seems too perfect to be true. In fact, by the time she leaves the interview she has fantasies of the bosses talking about how ridiculous she was and of being hit by a bus to boot. Just her luck. If she gets it? She will be ecstatic of course, but doing a good job to prove her worth will be the first thing on her mind. Not expectations of great things to come. If she doesn't get the job it's no big letdown since she has already mentally prepared herself by envisioning the worst thing that could happen. Not getting the job isn't so bad in comparison to not getting it, being laughed at behind her back, and then being hit by a bus.

To me, positive thought in terms of what you want to happen to you is like setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. Having a "just my luck" mentality is the opposite you are preparing yourself for disappointment and failure so if it does happen it isn't as brutal to your psyche. It also tends to leave more room for your mind to be content with what it has instead of always looking for more.

Statistically positive thought doesn't stand a chance. There just aren't that many mansions on hills and perfect jobs and such in the world. They are great because they are limited, much like diamonds. If they were available to all they wouldn't have value. So I figure it's a good idea to prepare yourself, Murphy's Law is out there, and no matter how well you plan, how hard you work, and how positive you think, sooner or later Murphy will get you. A flat tire, cancer, tornado... there are a million things that can screw up your plans and it's best to be prepared.

(Here's a question: Do people who believe in the power of positive thought buy insurance? And if so, isn't that counterproductive?)

First Birthdays and Last Nerves

Alex's first birthday was on Halloween. Chaos. It's the only way to explain the absolute havoc of trying to prepare for a baby birthday and Halloween in one day, managing guests, gifts, cakes, cleaning, and the kids. WHY did I do that to myself?! And guess what's happening this weekend? Mina's birthday! Maybe I can edit the birth certificate and rewrite it for June or something. He'd never know the difference, and it would sure ease the anxieties during the time period between Labor Day and New Years.
It just seems like there is no end to the things I have to plan for and pay for and schedule during this time of year. First it was school starting, then Alex's birthday, Halloween, Mina's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas... luckily we don't usually do anything special for New Year's Eve.

Aaron is still out of work, it's getting down to the wire now, severance ends at the end of this month and if there's no paycheck at the end of this month we will be screwed. It doesn't seem very fair that job hunting is not my problem, it's his, (because we both know there's no way I could find work that would pay as well with an anthropology degree and no experience) but I am still carrying the stress even though I can't really help. He on the other hand seems fine letting me carry the stress and spending the better part of his days napping or playing games. I know there's only so much that can be done each day, but you don't see me burying my head in games when there's a baby to care for and things that need doing.
Then again, I knew procrastination was his middle name when I married him and can't really fault him for it. I just hate feeling like I have to nag him to get anything done.

I found out this past weekend that my Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, I had expected it but for some reason it took him over a year to get a solid diagnosis. Meanwhile I think I have developed carpal tunnel syndrome (well, I'm certain of it) but can't do anything about it except limit my computer time, watch my ergonomic positioning and take ibuprofen to stave off the worst of the pain because we have no health insurance until we either get on unemployment, or have a new job for 90 days. I just hope every day that no one needs a hospital for a while.

So that's it, that's the update. Seems pretty bleak even to me. It will get better though. I just have to be patient.

How have I been?

Leave it to Ange to ask the one question I'm not so sure I should answer just now.
A little surprised I still remembered my Blogger ID and password, though...

I have been crazy. I sleep an average of 5 hours a night thanks to the little one who believes that 5 am is the optimal wake up time. I am going nuts trying to stay sane despite the combination of boredom and chaos that makes up my days (he's teething, a lot). And Aaron got laid off from his job of 8 years last week. We were within viewing distance of reaching a point where we'd have some extra money to put into savings and now? Now we are panicking. 8 weeks severance to get us through until he finds a new job, but after the way he was treated at that place and then tossed out with no warning I think he's in a place right now where he just doesn't want to go back to a job. It's a scary place to be. We need to start saving to cover our bills when the severance runs out, but we can't apply for assistance until we've received less than normal pay for 3 months. When I saw the e-mail saying I had a comment here today I was in the middle of trying to figure out how to shave $2,000 off our budget next month, and I just can't seem to do it, i only managed to shave off $800.

If only it had been next year, the house would be paid off, my perkins loans would be paid, and the car would almost be paid. I am fairly certain this was the worst possible timing ever.

I am still here though, the kids are still here and doing great, Aaron is still awesome even though he may not feel so awesome just now. Times of stress are when I shine the most, but I still hate them.

Confessions of a SAHM

There was a baby article in my e-mail inbox today, asking moms to confess to their sins. It had an incredible number of responses and I felt I needed to share mine.


I confess... I read too many baby articles.

I confess... I sometimes wanted to beat my soundly sleeping DH over the head with a brick, or throw the baby at him, when I got up at 5 a.m. to breastfeed.

I confess... I have immense mommy-guilt over not realizing sooner that DS's eczema was due to a milk allergy.

I confess... sometimes I feign sleep on the weekends now that DS is bottle fed so my husband will get up with him.

I confess... I am so jealous that DH works 40 hours a week, while I am on duty 24/7. There are no days off for moms.

I confess... I am offended by how easy DH thinks it is to go places and do things with the kids. One of these days I'm going to send him to do the grocery shopping with them alone. Or take the baby to a doctor's appointment and run a few errands without me.

I confess... I absolutely hate the "Cadillac" of strollers his parents bought us, it's just too big, I can barely lift it, it won't even fit in our car, and we don't live close enough to anywhere to make it a useful tool.

I confess... sometimes I can't stop myself from buying baby clothes, almost every time I go into a store I pick up a new outfit. At least they will get used though.

I confess... I fed my DS solids at three and a half months old, and told the pediatrician I hadn't yet, to avoid her disapproval. Luckily, when I told her how hungry he was she gave me the go-ahead anyway.

I confess... I still haven't told the pediatrician that I weaned him to a bottle. Why does not breastfeeding have to carry such a load of guilt with it?

I confess... my DS sleeps on his stomach. He won't sleep any other way, and I finally just gave up the sleepless misery and broke the stomach sleeping taboo.

I confess... I did everything right with my daughter and she fought me every step of the way, and have done everything wrong with my son, yet he is the happiest, most easy-going baby I've ever met.

Lastly, I confess... even though you aren't supposed to say it, I love my daughter more. We had a special bond, having just us two as a family for 7 years. She was so stubborn and challenging and wonderfully just like me. Sharing my son with her and DH has really affected how I feel about him. Although I love him dearly, he seems more like yet another family responsibility that I get stuck with the chores for but everyone gets to enjoy, kind of like the pets.

My baby's got the blues.

Poor little man, he's got itchy patches of skin. It looks like contact dermatitis. Some forms of which are also called ECZEMA. I have become very familiar with eczema after watching Mina's best friend suffer from such ungodly horrible childhood eczema that her little hands and feet cracked open and bled regularly. 9 years later she finally has normally little fingers and toes, and I have developed a keen understanding of the painful extent to which eczema can go. I am hoping this itchy dry skin he's getting is just a reaction to a lotion or baby oil, or his baby head-to-toe wash, or even the laundry detergent.

So I did some research, bought some Aveeno baby wash and compared the ingredients with the regular Johnson's baby wash (which by the way is purported to be hypallergenic and dermatologist and pediatrician recommended). The primary ingredients that are different in the two washes are Polyquaternium-10, Quaternium-15, and that the Aveeno contains colloidal oatmeal. The Polyquaternium didn't seem to have any detrimental reactions associated to it, but the Quaternium on the other hand is a formaldehyde-like substance (preventing the product from molding in the bottle) and has a known reaction incidence. Hypoallergenic my ass.
The aveeno is also made by Johnson's and does not contain the Quaternium, but it does contain the colloidal oatmeal which is said to help skin maintain it's moisture and reduce itching.
Gonna try it for a week or so, see if things improve. I can only hope this was the problem and that I won't have to go through years of trying to treat his skin without relief.

Also... Alex is 3 1/2 months old now, he sits up with support, has good head control, eats well and has probably doubled his birth weight (or at least his leaving the hospital weight), and he has increasingly made mouthing motions at us when we are eating things. So, again I did some research on feeding solids. It seems that the Mom population is fairly split on this topic, it's about 50-50 as far as if you should start feeding solids when your baby seems ready or when your pediatrician thinks they are old enough. He is showing all the expected behaviors for being ready to start on solids, but he isn't yet 4 months old, let alone the 6 month age when it is actually necessary to supplement breastmilk with solids to meet their growing dietary needs. A lot of people have suggested that feeding solids too early can cause children to develop food allergies. The anthropologist in me is thinking "Wow, that's interesting since for generations people didn't have a pediatrician to tell them when it was ok, and yet the human race has not died off due to food allergies." That sort of long range, broader scope thinking leads me to believe that when the baby lets you know they need more, that is the time to do it. Also, a certain part of me wonders how many "food" allergies are more related to reactions to the pesticides and chemical fertilizers our food is grown with these days. In that case it certainly makes sense to give your child's digestion and immune system more time to develop before introducing them to possible carcinogens and teratogens... or you could just buy organic or grow your own organic and avoid that issue. Also, I could see holding off as long as possible if your family has a history of food allergies. My family has no such history. Mina started solids at 4 months on the recommendation of the pediatrician who didn't feel there was a need to postpone till 6 months. The closest thing she's ever shown to a food allergy was that when she ate acidic foods she would get some redness around her mouth. If I wiped them off fairly quickly it wouldn't turn red.
Now mind you, the pediatrician (whom I like very much) has certain responsibilities and liabilities associated with her profession. For starters, she has only met Alex 3 times in his life, once at birth, once at his 2 day check to see how feeding was going, and once at his 2 month check to receive his shots. I have trouble putting much faith in the advice of a person who barely recalls if my kid is a boy or not. She also has to err on the side of caution no matter what the situation, primarily due to the threat of malpractice suits, but also because she may not know when advising a parent if that parent has any previous knowledge or experience with babies and their care, or even if that parent is just plain stupid or not. So in looking for an answer as to whether my son is ready for solids or not I found the list of behaviors he should display, a guide as to what foods to introduce first, and how long to wait between new foods, and a whole passle of comments from moms. Half of these comments were of the "I know my baby and she needed real food sooner than this" variety and half of which were from what I think of as the paranoid-germaphobe sect saying something along the lines of "your pediatrician knows best, why would you put your child's health at risk... etc. etc." I am inclined to agree with the I-Know-My-Child group, but couldn't help running across the stupid parent population hidden within them the ones who knew their children so well they gave them ice cream to lick at 2 months old. I may feel like I know my child, but I also know that the top 4 childhood food allergies are dairy, nuts, wheat, and citrus. Sure, if your kid is wanting solids earlier than recommended, give it a shot, but at least have the common sense to start with something that isn't difficult for even a significant population of adults to digest! Stick with rice cereal, heck, if you can find it organic that's even better. At least play it safe.
I would love to hear any other opinions on this since it was such a split with the moms on the forum I looked at, but I think that being within 2 weeks of 4 months old, Alex's little systems won't be developing a whole lot more before then, so I'm gonna follow his biologically adapted cues and break out the rice cereal this week. If he has trouble with it, we'll stop and wait a few more weeks before trying it out again. If he really digs it and it helps satiate his unending appetite we'll just go with it.