Married Life

Things haven't really changed much since the I Do's. Aaron has been giddy, I have been... well, the same as I always am. He's so very happy to have me be his wife, and a part of me shies away from that. I am afraid I'll let him down, or that maybe he'll change his mind. I kind of don't really believe that anyone could be that happy to be married to me. I am happy to be married to him, but at the same time it is balanced with the fact that I know him, I know his strengths and his weaknesses. And I am happy to be married to him but I also know we will have our trials ahead and saying I Do is not going to change the fact that we don't always see eye-to-eye, that we don't always agree on things, that we are both incredibly stubborn. I know we'll have fights. I know we'll have times when we'll think about not being together. I think recognizing these things and still feeling that this is the right thing for me is what is going to make this marriage last. I am not deluding myself into thinking that everything will be perfect from now on and that we will suddenly become Ward and June Cleaver. Isn't being realistic about that sort of thing what will make it last? Because I don't really ever see myself anywhere but here. Or with anyone but him. Isn't that just as good as mooning over him and smiling chronically? Do I have to fake it and act like I think the world revolves around him too? I know it would comfort him to see me acting the fool about this, but I went through all of that when he proposed. To me, that was when he made it clear that he was committed to me. And I grinned like a fool for a week. Now we've just made it legal, and he's grinning like a fool and I'm busy thinking "did we shut off the phone for the end of the month? when will I be able to make a doctor's appointment and make sure the baby is doing well? How are we going to pay for this move?" I just have too much going on to spend my days smiling into his eyes. But it doesn't mean I'm not happy.

Dogwood Winter

That's what they call it when there is a cold snap in spring. We've had one all week. It was snowing on our way up to Bellingham on Friday. After our brief stint at the courthouse to get married, which was very emotional despite the courthouse legality of it all. Aaron surprised me with a wedding band, I hadn't expected one, nor was I desperately desiring one in the secret depths of my heart. He felt it was needed though. That there needed to be a proper exchange of rings. His boss had helped him pick it out. I am grateful that he went to that kind of trouble for me, even though there is a part of me that keeps returning to the fact that it wasn't needed. I have a hard time accepting gifts, especially for things that are unneeded. I keep thinking that he treats me too well, that I don't deserve those things and because of it I feel uncomfortable accepting them.
The actual ceremony was simple and attended by Mina, Carolyn, and Aaron's best friend Scott. We got a few pics with Carolyn and Scott's cell phones, but they won't come up on my computer so I will have to find a way to get them to work.
Afterwards we grabbed breakfast and headed north. It was a long drive and got rather uncomfortable.
I was being treated by my doctor this winter back pain caused by arthritis, and since the pregnancy began I can't take the massive doses of ibuprofen they prescribed. In other words, I'm in pain, and it gets worse as I get more pregnant. I don't think people really realize this, since it's an every day thing now to wake up hurting and still be hurting when I crawl into bed at night. I've given up complaining about it for the most part. Because of this, I was hurting pretty badly by the time we finished our 5 hour drive.
The beds in the hotel didn't help much either.
Friday night Dyana and I took Carolyn to the local bars to see what the B-ham night life was like and have her act as our designated drinker. We had soda and played pool while we got her drunk and tried to get her to hit on random guys. It didn't work as well as we'd hoped, I don't think she was as drunk as she should have been.

It was kind of weird being back in the town I grew up in. We drove around a bit on saturday and I saw the house I used to live in and the school I went to. It really hasn't changed a whole lot. It's still a fairly small town, but bigger than Canby by a long shot. The bus system there is great, the parks are everywhere. It would be a good town for Mina to grow up in. But I'm really torn on deciding to move there. I have just gotten to feeling comfortable living here, finally developed some friendships, will finally be in a house with no leaks and a working heating system. I'm not so sure I want to pick up and leave just now. Aaron on the other hand started out very skeptical of moving to Bellingham while I was encouraging him to try something new and see what this offer had in store for us. Now he's getting more excited about the idea and I'm backing away from it. It could just be my need for security shoving at me, but I have explained that essentially this is his call. Being homebound here and being homebound there aren't going to be dramatically different for me, but he is the one who's entire day-to-day life and career are going to be affected by this.
I don't want my fears to hold us back if this is what is going to help him move forward.
Anyway, Saturday was spent wandering the town and then we went to Tom's place for the 80s night party. I think Tom has really missed everyone since he moved up there, he was in rare form as host. He even bought a cake to celebrate our wedding. Everyone but me and Dyana got pretty toasted and then they broke out the Rock Band. After much caterwauling and laughter they finished the night off with Star Wars trivial pursuit. It was a good party, and good to have everyone together.
Sunday Mina and I headed home with Carolyn, Aaron stayed an extra day to meet Tom's boss and have his interview on Monday. Another long drive. I was so glad to be back home and in my own bed.
But it's cold here, it's been cold all week and I am craving the comfort of a house with heat about now. We start moving the essentials to the new house tomorrow. Saturday we'll have the furniture moved.
I really just want all of this to be done with, it's been a lot to cope with all at once. I don't think I should be making any decisions in the state I'm in right now. Between the hormones and the stress and all the confusion I don't think I would be thinking straight.

I'll Get to It

really, I will. I will fill everyone in on the details. Just had a lot to do this week and moving this weekend so it might be a while.

Oh, and Zilla, my cold sore is doing well. All healed up in fact.

Random Chuck Norris Fact:

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Son of a Gun

Most brides get a zit.

Right? That's like the horror of the wedding day, that you'll wake up to find a huge zit right in the middle of your forehead or something. I kind of expected that sort of thing. I was not expecting to wake up monday morning with a sore spot in my upper lip, evidence of the beginning of my very first cold sore. I have freakin Lip Herpes!

I'm guessing I have probably carried the lip herpes virus for a very long time and the combination of stress, a recent cold, and pregnancy brought about this unexpected eruption. Still, a zit I could have covered with makeup. How do I disguise a nasty scabby lump on my lip? And to make things worse, until it heals I can't kiss anyone. You may kiss the bride just isn't going to have quite the same effect when I am forced to turn my cheek in order to prevent the spread of the virus. It really irks me. So much so that the cold sore got it's own blog entry. I am very disappointed in my body, and it's bad behavior.

Oh! Just thought of something... I want to share before it's too late and I'm huge and can't zip it. (Crap, my camera is already packed and at the new house) NVM, will just have to save the pic of the wedding dress for another time. Grr.
(How was that for a teaser? lol)

Romantic Comedy Spree

I have been on a romantic comedy/pregnancy movie spree. I watched Juno the other day, it was funny, and emotion triggering for me. A good movie in general. But I wanted more, so I downloaded a few oldies but goodies dealing with pregnancy and kids and just anything that would make me laugh and make me cry. Got all three Look Who's Talking movies, and 9 Months, and 27 Dresses. I've been on a major movie watching spree.

Oh Brother

A month or two ago my little brother down in Cali started playing WoW. He finally gave up on his free subscription to Guild Wars and came to my server to hang out with me in game. I love getting to spend time with him, even if it's via the game, and enjoy talking with him over Ventrilo.... but... he has taken to calling me and telling me to come play with him. The other friends I have in the game have to wait for me to log in before I start getting invitations to play. He calls my phone. So I often get interrupted during my housework, or nap, or whatever by a call from him asking me to come play.
I love my brother, I miss him a lot and enjoy spending time with him, but I don't have the time this month with all the changes going on to hop online and play with him whenever he calls. I feel awfully bad when he calls and I have to tell him no though. I don't want him to think that I don't enjoy our time together, or that I don't want to be saddled with my little brother. But I have a lot of packing to do, and just can't handle to spend hours of my day helping him level his mage.

Next time he calls I'll just have to invite him up to help me pack :D

Here's to Weddings and Free Pie!

I got ahold of the county clerk today and got us scheduled to get married on Friday at 11:30. Despite it being my idea to skip a big wedding and just free ball it at the courthouse, it seems like a letdown after all the time I spent planning on a real wedding. I have the materials for making the invitations, I have the dress, shoes and underbits, hell I even had a caterer and photographer lined up. I had just started getting into the whole idea when we realized it wasn't going to pan out because I would be a whale by the time the wedding date arrived.

I was excited. Now I'm getting my way with the courthouse wedding and it seems kind of sad. Most of the reason I was opposed to a big wedding was the expense, and all the planning involved because it seemed like I was going to be left responsible for all of it on my own, without even any friends to help me get things together and to be excited and girly with me. (Major run-on sentence there)
Ah well, I just seem to not be happy no matter what. I am so difficult sometimes.

On the bright side of things... Shari's yesterday had an overstock on Lemon Meringue pies, so they gave us one free with our meal. Yummy! If that doesn't cheer me up nothing will. I mean, who can beat free pie?!

Licensed to Wed

Went out to the County Clerk's office today. We picked up the Marriage License and will hopefully be married on Friday. Which means our weekend away in Bellingham is going to become our honeymoon/housewarming party for his friend/interview with his prospective new boss. That ought to make things exciting!

Aaron seems excessively happy about picking up the license, me I figure it's just the legal end of things, and that we may as well have been married this whole time. It won't make for any big changes, at least not on my end. I'm wondering if maybe he needs those legal documents to make it feel real for him, I may have some big changes coming from him soon if that's the case.
It will be weird changing my name though, odd not to call myself by my maiden name anymore. Why is it still called a maiden name? Isn't that rather archaic? Why not call it your unwed name, or family name or something? I'm certainly no maiden.

Walks and Talks

Had a bit of a long day today. About an hour after getting home from chunky monkey shopping and dropping off more boxes at the new house, I got a call from Aaron's boss.
Mind you, she's not your average boss. She and all the underlings who work for her are basically buddies and get together fairly regularly to just hang out. She's a COOL boss.
I particularly like her. I find her to be a fascinating person who is educational and entertaining to spend my time with. So we hang out now and then, because essentially she is lonely, and her closest friends work for her which puts many limits on how much she feels she can share with them on a personal level. It's very sad actually. Since I enjoy her company I try to make a point of spending some one on one time with her during which she can share the things that she holds back from her employee friends.

Anyway, these outings are partly my own friend therapy time, since I am not close with many people up here, and partly her friend therapy time. So she called this evening and we took off to do some window shopping for new patio furniture for her and to have dinner out. It was nice, it was peaceful fun time away from home and all the stresses I've been under for the past week or two. Hopefully we can get together tomorrow for some therapeutic pedicures. Pretty toes are something I have learned to covet.
But now with no afternoon nap under my belt I find I'm exhausted after all that hard workout of window shopping and eating italian food. Time for me to get to bed and see what awaits me in the morning.

A Rose By Any Other Name

I've already been asked several times by random people I don't know if we have names picked out for the baby. Mind you, the "bean" is little more than a hairless amorphous lump the size of a small plum right now, but people seem determined to attribute a personality to it already. They want names. Names say so much about people's personalities really. And then they want to share with us all of the possible baby names they have ever come up with in a bizarre hope to sway us in the decision-making process.

Personally, despite the fact that we4 have already determined names for a boy and a girl, I am somewhat reticent to share them. When I came up with Mina's name I told everyone about it because I had never heard of another Mina, the next thing I knew there was literally a Mina every time I turned around. They stole it! They pilfered MY baby name!
Needless to say I was offended.

So this time around I don't want all of those name-snatchers to steal my baby name, yet they keep asking, so I am forced to share. I can only hope they decide it's not very good and choose not to steal it.

Boy: Alexander Maxwell
Girl: London Elizabeth

No funky spellings, because that's retarded. I'm so tired of meeting kids with names like Saobhean (sha-von), and Kamryn, or Ginnyfer. Like spelling it in a way that no one will ever get right will make it an original name. It's still not original! Give it up! Make your kid's life easier and just name them something normal if you can't find something original without atrocious spelling!
I mean seriously. Growing up with the name Ariel, which really isn't all that uncommon these days I still come across people who can't spell it, and other Ariels who spell it a number of different ways.
I'm just saying, when you name a baby, don't be an ass. Think about the fact that it's a name they have to live with for the rest of their lives. Make it spellable, not a "baby" name, but a person name, one that will grow with them. And for god's sakes make it pronounceable, don't name your kid Soybean!(Saobhean)

So, on an off-note... what do readers think of our name choices? Are they decent? Do you know of 5,000 other Londons?

I'm a Planet

Well, I will be a planet soon. Hence the reason I spent my morning shuffling through a one-stop shopping center for some pants I will be able to button for several more months.
They were horribly overpriced considering I don't plan to stay that big long enough to get my money's worth out of them. But they are big enough to fit two of me in, and button fly, so I can always start undoing buttons if things get tight. Plus I found a really cute shirt in 3xHugemongous, which will more than likely be my one and only "leaving the house" shirt in a month or so. The rest of the time I'll just wear my sweats and pajamas and call it good. I feel kind of sad for the OB/GYN though as she will likely come to know me as the girl with one shirt.
But I refuse to pay fifty dollars for something I am too small for now, and will be big enough to fit for an entirety of 3 whole months before I deflate again.
Not gonna do it.

Mina and I spent some time in the baby section poking around. I don't think I cared much for their selection, there was not even one neutral newborn outfit. I found a little green sleeper that was cute but upon closer examination was embroidered all over in tiny pink rosebuds. I don't think blending boy and girl colors and prints really counts as neutral. I think my son would be offended to notice the tiny pink rosebuds on his baby picture sleepers. Girls are a little more forgiving about that sort of thing, a tomboy is just fine, but oh my, I can see my teenage son hollering about how I set him up to have gender issues with the way I dressed him as a kid.

Pickin It Back Up

It seems kind of weird after all this time to even think about returning to the blog world. But as I'm still keeping up with some of my favorite folks (waves at Zilla and Ange) it only makes sense to be able to return the favor and share my exciting little endeavors with them again. Especially now that I have some things to write about again. Plus I'm really incredibly bored right now and playing the waiting game on some things. I figure the best way to cope with waiting (I hate waiting) is to keep busy.

So here's the lowdown: Aaron and I got engaged the day before Thanksgiving, but we have no idea how to plan a wedding so we haven't got it together yet. Actually this turned out to be a good thing since I found out a few weeks ago that I'm pregnant (10 weeks now) so at least none of the wedding plans were set in stone before this little incident occurred. While this wasn't a planned pregnancy we are both really happy and excited about it. So much so that I'm actually unexpectedly anxious and uncertain about the whole thing, I would be heartbroken if I miscarried and so would he. Being this hopeful about something just leads me into complete panic mode that something could go wrong. Aaron calls me "Ms. Glass-Half-Empty". I don't know that I'm all that negative, just that I prefer to be prepared for the worst because it protects me from the extremes of disappointment when things do go wrong. Does that make sense?
Of course, he also likes to make me yell. He says I'm too conservative about my emotions and I should let them out, even the bad ones. I figure if I keep myself composed I won't upset anyone else, which leads to much more peaceful interpersonal relations. Meanwhile, he still does things specifically to piss me off so I will yell at him and he can be happy that he's not marrying an emotionless zombie. Does this seem like an odd relationship? It actually bothers me when he throws me off enough to make me yell. I don't like yelling. But he seems reassured by it, like it means I give a damn because I'm pissed.
*shrug*
Who can explain men?

So back to the purpose of this post... We are also moving this month into the nearby town. The house is in better condition than the one we're in now. Including having AC (THANK GOD!) and 2 bathrooms. I am excited to get out of this slum house, but the new place was his parents's house, so it has a certain weirdness factor. Another bonus is that since we're moving it gives me an excuse to force him to get rid of some of the junk he has been pack-ratting for years. I will be glad to get rid of things and move into a house where I get to be selective about what is made visible. I don't deal well with excessive clutter. My sister thinks this stems from a desire to be in control of things. To some extent I know she's right, but as far as their own personal comfort goes everyone has their limit. For some people it comes down to white gloving for dust. For me it's just a matter of having a place to put things, when I have no space to put things and they start piling up in corners I tend to reach the point of being uncomfortable in my surroundings. This is going to become much more apparent to Aaron once we have a baby in the house. I am not a baby safety freak, I don't use safety latches (except for the cats, who enjoy playing in the cupboards) and really don't bother with most of the obsessive baby-proofing stuff many parents depend on. I kind of prefer to actually watch my kids and when I can't watch them I keep them locked up, or unconscious (i.e. in a playpen or napping). But when things are piled haphazardly in corners I have concerns about baby safety. Hopefully he'll learn to keep his stuff put away or I will have to seriously chew him out.

Anyway, I suppose this is an adequate update on things with me for the time being. Undoubtedly I will be posting more frequently now as I'm pacing the house waiting for nine months to be over. Besides, I will have to post a pic of my wedding dress that I may never fit in again. *sigh*