Married Life

Things haven't really changed much since the I Do's. Aaron has been giddy, I have been... well, the same as I always am. He's so very happy to have me be his wife, and a part of me shies away from that. I am afraid I'll let him down, or that maybe he'll change his mind. I kind of don't really believe that anyone could be that happy to be married to me. I am happy to be married to him, but at the same time it is balanced with the fact that I know him, I know his strengths and his weaknesses. And I am happy to be married to him but I also know we will have our trials ahead and saying I Do is not going to change the fact that we don't always see eye-to-eye, that we don't always agree on things, that we are both incredibly stubborn. I know we'll have fights. I know we'll have times when we'll think about not being together. I think recognizing these things and still feeling that this is the right thing for me is what is going to make this marriage last. I am not deluding myself into thinking that everything will be perfect from now on and that we will suddenly become Ward and June Cleaver. Isn't being realistic about that sort of thing what will make it last? Because I don't really ever see myself anywhere but here. Or with anyone but him. Isn't that just as good as mooning over him and smiling chronically? Do I have to fake it and act like I think the world revolves around him too? I know it would comfort him to see me acting the fool about this, but I went through all of that when he proposed. To me, that was when he made it clear that he was committed to me. And I grinned like a fool for a week. Now we've just made it legal, and he's grinning like a fool and I'm busy thinking "did we shut off the phone for the end of the month? when will I be able to make a doctor's appointment and make sure the baby is doing well? How are we going to pay for this move?" I just have too much going on to spend my days smiling into his eyes. But it doesn't mean I'm not happy.