It's Been a Long Hard Night, And I've Been...
not blogging, obviously. Nor do I intend to pick back up on it wholeheartedly. Oddly, taking down the baby gate this morning that divided the office from the living room has been like the fall of the Berlin Wall. Suddenly a whole new world has opened up, and not just for the toddler. Closing the office off made it seem much less approachable, now that it is open I have spent more time in it than I had in the past three weeks all in one day. Weird how the visual obstruction made so much difference in my comfort level.
Since I only have two followers and I'm sure they've about given up on me, a simply put update goes like this: Aaron is out of work and has been since a year ago, things had better turn around soon or we will be moving in with my dad. My mom moved nearby over the summer, my sister and brother are now both living with my dad and traveling in shifts so that someone is usually at the house with him. Dad developed Parkinson's a couple years ago and while he's still mostly himself he's getting less so every day. His hands shake, he aches all over, has mood swings, and is very forgetful. Combine the forgetfulness with the mood swings and you have a lot of fights brewing over who stole his book/cup/shoes... glad I am not yet in such dire straits that our family needs to join them. Mina is almost 12, she started band this year, playing the drums. She needs glasses now, not badly yet, but I worry that she'll be like me and her eyes will just get worse over time. She's also in the school's TAG program. Smart, beautiful,... if only she weren't so obstinate. /sigh
Alex on the other hand is not so obstinate, for being almost 2 he's still very agreeable. He is an active, thoughtful little boy. He doesn't talk much yet, but I'm starting to hear more consonant sounds in his words which makes me hopeful that he'll catch up on his own. He may have to, since I have called the county ESD 3 times now and not gotten a single response to my messages. He doesn't spend much time with other kids his age and is obviously uncertain of how to interact with them. Hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to afford to get him into a day care or preschool a few hours a day to give him some better peer socialization.
Aaron spends his days in a funk. I wish I could do something for him but in all honesty he just needs to go back to work. Every interview gets us excited that this will be over, and every time they go with someone else instead of him it is a slap to his psyche. The IT industry is very particular, it's like playing a slot machine. You have to spin the wheel of skills and software/hardware knowledge, and pray a job comes around with that exact combination to hit the jackpot. Sales is sales, plumbers are plumbers, and housekeepers are housekeepers; but no amount of wishful thinking is going to make a Linux database administrator into a Windows application engineer, or Java developer.
I, on the other hand, besides being morbidly depressed about my life circumstances in my off-time, have started harnessing my sense of purposelessness (is that even a word?) for the greater good. I am plotting with the help of Aaron and my sister and a few others to create my own small business, a web-based concept that I pray daily to the Goddess will pay for our not-so-far-off retirement and college for the kids. Maybe by the time the kids are in college it will at least be paying off something. But dammit, I'm a smart cookie and I am wasted sitting around the house applying for minimum wage jobs because my resume is blank after 2005, and even before then it wasn't exactly spectacular. I want to DO something useful. The past month has been spent partially researching what is needed to run a small business, and partially crying in frustration that I keep getting cock-blocked by unexpected things. For example, can I (who can't get on my husband's bank account because I am in check systems and have no money to spare to pay it off) even get a business bank account? I don't know. But I find it highly doubtful. I can't pay an accountant to tell me if an LLC would leave my partner open to personal loss to cover the business's tax liability... so she won't be a partner until I can assure her it won't. The little things are eating my brain, but the big idea is keeping me going.
So that's the update... not exactly in a nutshell is it? What's new with you?
Since I only have two followers and I'm sure they've about given up on me, a simply put update goes like this: Aaron is out of work and has been since a year ago, things had better turn around soon or we will be moving in with my dad. My mom moved nearby over the summer, my sister and brother are now both living with my dad and traveling in shifts so that someone is usually at the house with him. Dad developed Parkinson's a couple years ago and while he's still mostly himself he's getting less so every day. His hands shake, he aches all over, has mood swings, and is very forgetful. Combine the forgetfulness with the mood swings and you have a lot of fights brewing over who stole his book/cup/shoes... glad I am not yet in such dire straits that our family needs to join them. Mina is almost 12, she started band this year, playing the drums. She needs glasses now, not badly yet, but I worry that she'll be like me and her eyes will just get worse over time. She's also in the school's TAG program. Smart, beautiful,... if only she weren't so obstinate. /sigh
Alex on the other hand is not so obstinate, for being almost 2 he's still very agreeable. He is an active, thoughtful little boy. He doesn't talk much yet, but I'm starting to hear more consonant sounds in his words which makes me hopeful that he'll catch up on his own. He may have to, since I have called the county ESD 3 times now and not gotten a single response to my messages. He doesn't spend much time with other kids his age and is obviously uncertain of how to interact with them. Hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to afford to get him into a day care or preschool a few hours a day to give him some better peer socialization.
Aaron spends his days in a funk. I wish I could do something for him but in all honesty he just needs to go back to work. Every interview gets us excited that this will be over, and every time they go with someone else instead of him it is a slap to his psyche. The IT industry is very particular, it's like playing a slot machine. You have to spin the wheel of skills and software/hardware knowledge, and pray a job comes around with that exact combination to hit the jackpot. Sales is sales, plumbers are plumbers, and housekeepers are housekeepers; but no amount of wishful thinking is going to make a Linux database administrator into a Windows application engineer, or Java developer.
I, on the other hand, besides being morbidly depressed about my life circumstances in my off-time, have started harnessing my sense of purposelessness (is that even a word?) for the greater good. I am plotting with the help of Aaron and my sister and a few others to create my own small business, a web-based concept that I pray daily to the Goddess will pay for our not-so-far-off retirement and college for the kids. Maybe by the time the kids are in college it will at least be paying off something. But dammit, I'm a smart cookie and I am wasted sitting around the house applying for minimum wage jobs because my resume is blank after 2005, and even before then it wasn't exactly spectacular. I want to DO something useful. The past month has been spent partially researching what is needed to run a small business, and partially crying in frustration that I keep getting cock-blocked by unexpected things. For example, can I (who can't get on my husband's bank account because I am in check systems and have no money to spare to pay it off) even get a business bank account? I don't know. But I find it highly doubtful. I can't pay an accountant to tell me if an LLC would leave my partner open to personal loss to cover the business's tax liability... so she won't be a partner until I can assure her it won't. The little things are eating my brain, but the big idea is keeping me going.
So that's the update... not exactly in a nutshell is it? What's new with you?
posted by AnywhereEden | 8:02 PM
1 Comments:
I'm hoping so very much that something comes through soon. Miss you, looking forward to seeing you soon.
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