Heavenly

Life is good, I had a big dinner, I'm sitting at my desk, smoking my cigarette, drinking my soda, listening to Michael Buble, and staring at my new graphics card.

Yup. Life is good. Now, if I was getting laid at the same time, the world would be perfect... Not quite enough room for that in here though.

So. On that note, you all need to post more, and I'm outta here for the night.

It's a Sad Day in Townsville

While I was out Daren called.
He wanted to give me some bad news.

Cindy died.



I guess she was out of work the past two weeks with pneumonia, and then when she came back she was acting really weird and lethargic, and they got the news on Monday that she'd passed away over the weekend.

She was my friend, my mentor, the bright spot in my day, she was very much a mother-figure for me, and I miss her and love her. I'm thinking that spending a little time to send up a prayer or two would be good.
I have a really hard time with death, and recently I've had to deal with it more than expected. I have trouble acknowledging the finality of death, it just doesn't sink in, because I just can't imagine a world without Cindy or Casey or anyone. They are part of my life and I have trouble remembering that I can't expect to run into them and exchange "hi, how are you's" anymore.

Why does it seem like death is creeping closer to me? Last year I could say that I didn't know of anyone who had died that I was close to except my grandpa, but he was old and ready to move on. Not that that's any consolation, but he had lived his life and it wasn't such a shock to lose him. Now I have noticed that the people who are dying are getting closer and closer to my heart.

I guess that's a selfish way of putting it. But I don't want to deal with death and grieving right now. I want to be happy and productive and feel like even though I'm not there, all the people I care about are still happy and living their lives back in Eugene. Instead I get news that someone is gone, and I can't even be there for the service.

Got most of it done...

I slept in this morning, made a pot of coffee, and started a load of laundry. Then I went to work on the toilet... my wrench only goes up to 3/4 inch, so I gathered up the girlie and we went off to Wilsonville to buy a big fucking wrench. We stopped at Baskin-Robbins for some ice cream, and asked the lady there for some input on where to find a hardware store. So we went off in search of the hardware store, calling out the names of places as we went so we could map out the area in our heads. We found Fry's. Of course, being the electronics freak that I am we had to go in, so we poked around in there for a while and picked me up some headphones so I can listen to my music in the office while Aaron's playing WOW. Completely by accident we happened across the wrench I needed for the toilet while we were in Fry's, so finding the hardware store became obsolete. At least for now; I still need to find it to fix the shower. We had lunch, and then stopped to pick up groceries. The guy behind me in the checkout line said the hardware store in wilsonville sucks, and that there is an Ace Hardware in Canby. I'll look for it tomorrow maybe. So we headed home, put the groceries away, and I fixed the toilet.

I ROCK!
I can't believe people pay plumbers to do this kind of stuff. Maybe I should've become a plumber instead of getting my Bachelor's degree... hmmm...

This is almost right... I think I started out a Two and have been changing into somethine else.

the Helper Test finished!

you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO. "I must help others" Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs. How to Get Along with Me Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific. Share fun times with me. Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours. Let me know that I am important and special to you. Be gentle if you decide to criticize me. In Intimate Relationships Reassure me that I am intersting to you. Reassure me often that you love me. Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me. What I Like About Being a Two being able to relate easily to people and to make friends knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better being generous, caring, and warm being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor What's Hard About Being a Two not being able to say no having low self-esteem feeling drained from overdoing for others not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings Twos as Children Often are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding are outwardly compliant are popular or try to be popular with other children act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos) Twos as Parents are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't) are often playful with their children wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?" can become fiercely protective Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so please RATE it :-) You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose CX Would you rather have chosen: AX (SEVEN) BX (NINE) CY (SIX) CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 26% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Mr(s). Fix-It

I'm feeling pretty good.

I made dinner (mac and cheese, but still better than nothing), got the kitchen done, took a drive up to Canby to scope the town, improved the shower head (still not perfect, but not spraying me in the eye either), and picked up the stuff I needed to fix the toilet. Tomorrow my goals are to fix the toilet, go to Wilsonville and explore a bit (including stopping by the Baskin-Robbins for a little treat), and find a home improvement store somewhere nearby and scope out the possibilities on how to fix the shower. Oh, and pick up a few groceries now that the kitchen's in good enough shape to cook in.
That's about it... I think that's an adequate amount of accomplishments for one day, hell, exploring Wilsonville could take the whole day. Just wait till I get adventurous enough to explore Portland!

I'm slowly expanding my comfort zone from my desk to Portland...
and some day, the WORLD!

WOW

Here I am, relaxing at the computer... and then I hear it... THE VOICE OF GOD!!

Booming from the speakers that surround me, he's calling down his thunder... "Holy Shit did you see that orc?!"

"Hey Aaron, can you get us better drinking water... that a level 29 could drink?"

"Kim says she'll be ready in 3 minutes."


The voices of God are booming down around me. I just have this nagging urge to cry out "Hello God, It's Me Margaret! Forgive me for I have sinned...It's been 26 years since my last confession..." So far I've managed to keep my mouth shut, and not make annoying comments.
The men (and their wives) are at play. They're tromping around in a World of Warcraft dungeon somewhere in the nether realms of the internet. And talking to each other over the surround sound system.

It's kinda creepy in a geek way.

Bloggedy Bloggedy Blog Blog

I could be doing something more productive.






I'm not.

I spent the morning working on the linen closet, doing laundry, getting the bedroom arranged enough to put my dresser in it, and attempting to figure out why the hell the toilet runs and whether or not it's gonna take a trip to Home Depot to fix it. (They don't have a Jerry's here). I think my next task is going to be to see if I can slightly improve the shower head. I can't take another shower in which only half of the shower head actually sprays water, one half of which shoots directly in my eye, while the other half of which shoots at the wall at about my bellybutton height. This isn't too bad for Aaron because he's a lot taller than me. He gets shot in the chest and the private bits, while I'm stuck with the eyeball shot.

Gotta get that fixed. I think it's just mineral buildup in the head, maybe I can scrape the little holes clear so it'll spray my entire face, not just one eye.

Aaron's desk... oh my! ;)

My desk space... look how clean and tidy it is!

The current state of the kitchen.. it looks like a bomb hit it.

The giant walnut! It holds walnuts and a little nutcracking kit. Wicked awesome!

This is the coca-cola shrine... Well, part of it. It actually extends throughout the kitchen and dining room.

Interesting things I found... the lotus flower soup tureen. Each petal detaches and is a cute little soup bowl... Ingenious! Strange, but ingenious.

We Have Liftoff!!

Yay! I have my internet back. That didn't take nearly as long as expected.

He definitely knows how to please me. As long as I have my computer functional I'm happy.

Poor Aaron is still trying to convince me to play World of Warcraft, he's even willing to make a trade: he'll watch Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy with me if I'll play WOW. It sounds tempting, but I'll definitely have to upgrade my video card first.

So far, admittedly it's only been one day, but so far I'm enjoying being here. I'm exhausted, and nowhere near being done with getting things organized, my dresser's still in the living room and I have no idea where I put my frying pan, but it's still good to be here.

(Hi Kim, welcome to my blog. Don't be afraid, I'm mostly harmless. ;)

The Relocation Motivation

In the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”, Diane Lane’s character says about relocating that “the trick to relocating is to take a small space and make it yours”. She started with her office space. It’s no wonder that upon moving in with Aaron (Mags), that’s the same place I started.
My desk and computer are set up, I’m having to write this in Word and post it later because we haven’t gotten the wireless network set up yet. It’s Sunday and I’m just beat! Yesterday was hellacious, but we were both surprised at how well it went. He showed up early with the U-Haul, all of my stuff was ready to go, we packed it up did a last minute vacuum of the living room, and headed off. Once we got here we unloaded everything and rearranged to make it tolerable, then threw a few things into the van that needed to go to the storage unit, drove out there, unloaded that stuff and dropped off the U-Haul. Other than the drive up we didn’t really stop moving from about 11:30 till 9 pm.
Today Aaron had to go into work for a few hours, so after helping move a few large items in the office he left me on my own to handle things.
Take a small space and make it yours. He has a few small spaces that are his, I asked what areas I shouldn’t tinker with and was informed that the computer, the entertainment center, the Coca-Cola items, and the wizard shrine are the only things he’s particular about. Good thing too, cuz they’re just about the only things in the house that are fine just how they are and I wouldn’t want to tinker with anyway (except maybe to dust them).
For the time being the office is at least in usable order, at first I was afraid that we’d be bumping elbows while we were typing, and knocking things over on each other. It’s actually not bad though, and I even put a few extra things in it that I thought we might need to put in storage. Maybe I’ll even be able to motivate him to clean his desk off by pointing out how tidy mine is and how I actually have room to move.

Little did I realize when I agreed to this that I would be moving in with a pack rat. It wasn’t obvious before because I didn’t closely inspect the closets and corners, but now I’m realizing just what I’ve gotten myself into. I’m a pack rat by nature too, but I try to fight off my nature as much as possible, partly because I just didn’t have space to pack away unneeded items in my apartment, partly because I have a need for open space. I don’t like the look of clutter, I don’t like not being able to move. Right now I can’t move anywhere in this house without bumping something. It’s driving me crazy.
So I’ve put together a few small spaces; my desk, the coffee area in the kitchen, the spice cabinet, the canned food area, and one corner of the dining room, near the Coca-Cola shrine.
At this rate it’ll be a week or two before I have everything out of boxes, and a month or two before the house is comfortably livable for three people, two cats and a fish.

I’d better get back to work or it’ll never get done. Wish me luck, I’m going back in!...

Thanks Karina

I really appreciate your input on my johari window (especially the negatives).
Looking at the windows it really shows how differently the people who are close to me differ from the people who don't know me very well. It gives me a better idea of how people see me upon their first impression. Karina and I have only met about five times in person, so her impressions are a good indication of how people see me when they haven't had an opportunity to know me closely. I do have one question though, since karina's answers only overlapped with one answer from anyone else.. Karina, honestly, how often do you read my blog? Do you read all of the entries, or just pop in now and then to read the latest one? I need more data!!

Wow. I could do a hell of an interesting psychological/sociological experiment with this little gizmo... hmmm, it would be cool to try some different things like:

-gather a handful of test subjects, introduce myself in a pleasant manner, gauge their reactions, then try the same thing with a different set of test subjects, only change the tone of my voice during the introduction: flustered, angry, sad, and freakin perky!
I wonder how their reactions would change?

-Or, a similar test, but instead of introducing myself, I would have someone else introduce me as either a business professional, a college student, a low-wage employee, or a homeless woman. How would their reactions differ in this case? Would my socioeconomic status affect how my personality is interpreted?

This is cool. Okay, time to sign out until I move... bye!

Disconnecting..

as of tomorrow afternoon I will no longer be available via the internet until I can get the comp set up at the new house. Hopefully that won't be too long, but there are other things that need to be taken care of that are more important than my web access. Tomorrow I have to take my cable modem in to the cable company, since it's only leased with the service.

Just wanted to warn everyone so if they feel the need to talk shit about me they can start now cuz I won't be able to do anything about it once I'm up there. ;)
Anyway, I wanted to let you all know so you won't get butt hurt if you e-mail me and I don't respond. Just call.

Or don't, it's up to you.

I'll miss you all. (I'm gonna go absolutely batty until I can get back on the internet, talk about boredom!)

Psycho Babble

Okay, this is interesting...
I've been paying close attention to people's responses to my Johari and Nohari windows. First off, I'm kind of disappointed that more people didn't respond to the Nohari window. You know who you are. This is an experiment in my personality and it does me no good if I have biased data. So tell me my bad points!
I noticed two things here:
1) The person who doesn't know me IRL had the closest responses to my own observations. This means either a.) the person that I think I am is a complete farce and that is what I portray through my writing, or b.) the person that I think I am is who I really am and who I portray through my blog. The others based their responses on face-to-face interactions with me, in which I behave differently with each person based on their behaviors. Does that make sense? I tend to be what people need me to be.
Like for example, Des tends to be highly emotional (she's a Cancer, it comes with the territory), so she sees me as being a stable, calm presence that is there to help her center when she's struggling.
Jenn and I have had a semi-business relationship as well as a friendship, because she was my babysitter, so she sees me as someone who is reliable, and someone that she has been able to debate with about our differences in opinion without losing me as a friend. She was able to get to the nitty-gritty in the Nohari window because she and I have always agreed to disagree, and she knows that I can accept the criticism (although I did ask her about one of her answers that seemed a little harsh, but after she explained it it makes more sense, and I have to agree with her).
Mags.. poor Mags, he's probably the least likely to ever know me. I have a hard time letting down my guard with men. He'll probably never see the side of me that keeps people going when they're falling apart, that holds it together even though I'm scared shitless... those are the parts of me that I don't share easily. Oddly, Lori actually caught onto some of that, even though she doesn't even know me in person.

2) Everyone agrees that I'm insecure. Most of the words I chose for my negative traits were fairly mild, while others picked the more aggressive forms of those words. I chose smug, they chose boastful. I chose dispassionate, they chose callous. They are just stronger versions of the original words. Is this a sign that I'm rather meek even in my word choice? Or that I'm unwilling to admit that I'm not just dispassionate.. I'm callous? Are my actions really that much stronger than I see them to be?

In the end the question to ask myself is are any of these characteristics really who I am? Or are they all an act intended to win people's approval, even my own approval? If so, then who is the real me? What am I really like? When do I drop the act, and how do I know that that isn't just another layer of acting?
Ariels are like onions, we've got layers.

Pictures

The pictures below are just a little update on the moving process. Everything is in the living room now, except a few items of furniture. I had to move my bed into the living room because I got rid of the couch and just couldn't see sitting on the floor all week.

I''m so excited, I wish the weekend would come sooner.

Mina's dresser. I spent a long time painting this stuff for her, but I still haven't finished the dresser. By the time I finish it she will have grown out of the whole butterfly decor thing.

This is the matching headboard. Sorry, I'm just really proud of accomplishing an artistic project that actually looks good.

My bedroom

Mina's room

The living room, or staging area

No Wonder I Had Such a Hard Time Choosing a Major

You scored as Sociology. You should be a Sociology major! Psychology 100% Anthropology 100% Sociology 100% Philosophy 83% Mathematics 83% Linguistics 83% English 75% Biology 75% Journalism 58% Engineering 50% Theater 50% Chemistry 33% Art 25% Dance 17% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

Hallelujah!!

I just got a letter from my rental agency.
I sent them my rent check for february a little late, but I included the late fee in my check. And I crossed my fingers that it wouldn't go through until my tax return came in. What're they gonna do? Evict me?!
Yesterday I saw on my bank account that it had been deposited and then returned. Say what? And I'm thinking, 'hmm, they might evict me after all'...

Today I got a notice in the mail, as I was opening it I tried to think up an excuse to keep me from getting evicted before next Sunday... then I read it.

Basically it said something along the lines of "Hey dumbass, in case you can't keep your head on straight enough to have noticed, You ALREADY PAID your February rent. Here is your check back, please use them more cautiously in the future. Sincerely, Your Property Manager."

Now, I'll readily admit to the fact that on occasion I'm dumb, really damned dumb, but I find it highly unlikely that I'd ever be dumb enough to PAY TWICE for the same damned thing, especially when I don't have the money for it to start with.
So my best guess is that when I moved in here 3 years ago, I paid first, last, and deposit. Not just first and deposit. Hooray! I will have almost $400 more of my tax return than I thought I would!
*doin' the happy dance, oooh, the happy dance*

Makes me wish I had known that before I spent so much time worrying about when that check would go through...
I'm still pretty much pleased as punch about it though.

Following the crowd

all right, everybody else is doing it, so I will too... like a lamb to the slaughter.

Please be honest, don't spare my feelings, I will not get butt hurt, I'm just curious to see if other people see me the way I do. Even if you harbor some previously unannounced grudge against me, fill it out anyway.

The Johari Window

The Nohari Window


So... have fun, I know I had a hard time labeling myself with only six of each, it's not easy to limit yourself that way. Good luck and hopefully this won't mean the end of our friendship... ;)

Have I Mentioned...

... that I have the best boyfriend EVER!
Yesterday was his birthday (it's easier to remember that way) and I spent most of the day being pissy about the fact that I just couldn't afford to drive up and see him.
But I had a sneaking suspicion... I always do, with most guys my sneaking suspicions are false and I am disappointed, but I still always hope.

With him, I have yet to be disappointed. He showed up at 8, after working all day, and left this morning at about 5:30.

Not only did my totally awesome boyfriend show up on Valentine's Day, which would have been more than enough to make me completely ecstatic, but he came bearing gifts of jewelry!
Have I mentioned that I have the best boyfriend ever?
It was so sweet! He even had Tammi call me to make sure I was at home so he could surprise me... bad Tammi, not even giving me a hint!
I can't wait until we move so that I don't have to wait so long between visits, and feel bad that he has to travel so far to see me, it gets frustrating after a while. Pretty soon it won't be an issue though.
Plus, after talking about things late last night, I feel a lot better about the whole thing and I'm just gonna do my best to stick a cork in the worrisome side of me and try to just be happy without freaking out so much.
I really do love him and unlike the other people I've loved in my life (because honestly I'm a loving person and very easy to please, so I've loved a lot of people) he hasn't disappointed me. He hasn't ever given me reason to lose respect for him, or feel like my affections are unfounded or unreturned.

So, as I was saying.. I have a great boyfriend, and it's a beautiful day, and I'm feeling good.
Hope everyone else is too.

Weirdness

This morning when I woke up it was about 33 degrees, but not cold because there wasn't any wind.
By the time I left the house it was totally overcast, and by 9:30 it was snowing like mad. It didn't stick though.
Now it's probably abour 45-50 degrees out with blazing sunshine and sprinkling rain, people are deceived by the sunlight into believing that it is appropriate weather for shorts. It is not! It's fucking cold! It just looks sunny and warm.

The only thing that hasn't happened with the weather today is a hail shower, it'll probably show up in an hour or so.

Welcome to Oregon.

Anxiety

My daughter is a worry wart. She internalizes this worry, until it finally bursts out in a completely unprovoked screaming fit.

I just hope she finds better ways to communicate her anxiety before she hits puberty.

Having raised her up to this point, I have a built-in anxiety meter, that gauges her level of worry based on her manic/psychotic behavior. When she starts to act like she's PMSing I know it's time to talk.

Tonight she finally broke down, and it was time to talk. I gave her an opportunity to vent all the things that were festering in her head and admit to me that she gets jealous when I'm with Mags because she doesn't get as much attention. She admitted that she was worried about not knowing anybody at our new home. And, she surprised me by voicing my own thought, "I would rather if you didn't tell me about us moving until two days before we left cuz then I wouldn't have time to worry".

Very grown-up of her to be able to express that feeling. I couldn't put it in words until she already had. That has been my biggest problem the last two weeks: knowing that I'm going to be leaving, but not knowing what will happen after that, and not being able to speed up the process so that I can get to the unknown and tackle it sooner. We are get-up-and-do-it people, we lose momentum when we are forced to wait, we start to doubt ourselves when we wait. I hate waiting.
Apparently Mina does too. She's very frustrated with the fact that big changes are going to happen and all she can do is twiddle her thumbs until then. I agree. I've had time to pack up half the house, deal with a bunch of household administrative duties, and still stare at the ceiling and worry. Do I have a backup plan in case all else fails and we find that we can't stand to live together? No. That's my biggest worry, I don't have a backup plan.
A part of me, the part that's floating on a cloud of joy because this total catch of a man actually wants me to live with him, keeps insisting that I don't need a backup plan, that everything will work out fine, and that we'll get along great.. like peas and carrots. But the rest of me keeps yelling at that part and telling it to go back home to Neverland, because this is real life not a fairy tale. It's completely against my nature to just jump into something without an escape plan. I'm too stubborn, too desperately needing security, and too independent to sit back and meekly accept that from here on out it'll be smooth sailing.

So instead I'm twiddling my thumbs and waiting. I'm just gonna cross my fingers and see what happens. Scary though that is.

I reassured Mina that it's my job to worry about these things, that I worry enough for the both of us, and she just needs to relax and be a kid. I'm the Mommy, it's my job to do the worrying.
She went to sleep in a good mood, we'll see how tomorrow goes... I'm hoping that this little talk did the job though, and that we won't see the Evil Mina rear her ugly head again any time soon.

Surprise!!

Thanks for the help guys, I'm really excited now that I have a video phone and can actually put videos on my blog... things can get really crazy now!

The picture quality isn't the best, and it's really hard to take video of yourself (not nearly as easy as self-portraits), but oh well.

Zilla's Surprise

Tomorrow is Zilla's birthday, so a bunch of bloggers are attempting to surprise her before she leaves town.
my birthday surprise was far too complicated to post here... in other words, I'm a lazy bastard so I e-mailed it to her instead.
Writer Mom, fear not, I didn't forget, it just isn't available publicly.

How the hell do I post a Real Player video on here anyway?

Poke Flied Lice and Other Chinese Food Fun

I went out to Chinese for lunch with Neva yesterday and was highly confused by the menu. I know what I like, but I don't know the difference between it and the other items on the menu. So, for those of you who've ever been confused about whether you want Chow Mein, Chow Yuk, or Chow Fun I offer you this little guide:

Chow Fun
Rice Noodles.

Chow Mein (Fried noodles)
In this dish the noodles and vegetables are stir-fried separately and added back together at the end of the cooking process. The noodles can be soft or crispy depending on how long they are cooked in oil. Also, chow mein can be made with either thick or thin noodles. There is a gravy, either added to the noodles while they are stir-frying or at the final stage of cooking. Chicken is a popular meat to use in chow; shrimp or pork are used as well.

Lo Mein
Tossed Noodles - unlike chow mein, where the noodles are stir-fried separately, the noodles are tossed and blended with the stir-fry mixture. They have more of a sauce than chow mein noodles.

Mein
Noodles

Egg Rolls
Very popular in the west although not eaten in China, egg rolls are a larger, bulkier version of Spring rolls. They are normally filled with barbecued pork or shrimp - vegetables can include cabbage, celery, suey choy, and/or bean sprouts.

Spring Rolls
A lighter, more delicate version of egg rolls, made with a flour and water wrapper (no egg). Like egg rolls, spring rolls are deep-fried.

I still have no idea what the hell chow yuk is. If you know, please inform me.

Early Morning fun

okay, so I'm sorry to report that until I can get carmel to cut my hair there will be no picture... so be patient.

Until then I thought I'd share a couple of posts from Rory with everyone, cuz they just had me laughing my ass off.
(Don't try the second one on dial-up, it'll take forever to load)

DO NOT RESIST THE EVANGELIST

I WARNED YOU, DIDN'T I?


and, just for a bit more fun, check out the site that one of Rory's fans suggested. It should appease all of you ninja fans.

So, everybody have fun with the links, and have a good laugh today.