dinner with the family. I absolutely love this house. I can't wait to see what it looks like when they are done. I skipped over the rooms that hadn't been fixed up yet, but I'm hoping that the next time I go up there more of it will be finished.

the kitchen. this pic doesn't do justice to the 90 year old cabinetry combined with modern convenience.

the house has four floors (basement, two living floors and the attic), this is the landing on the second floor.

I know Zilla's just gonna wet herself over this one. This is the master bedroom.

This id the den area, we set up the table in there since there were so many of us.

Weirdly, the bald guy is Shaun's husband. He totally reminds me of Mags. He's cool and is a welcome part of our not-quite-family. The other guy is my mom's new boyfriend...I'm still not so sure about him.

Tuesday again? So Soon?

self-portrait time.

Admittedly, you can't see much of me, but look at this bathroom!

It's gorgeous, and it hasn't even been remodeled yet.

And The Ugly

This is the hard part.

I was driving home this morning, and when I got close to town my cell phone finally got service. I had a message waiting from 11:30 last night.
It was Daren from work saying that he was sorry to call so late but I should call him back as soon as possible.
I was pondering what could have happened to get him so upset while I called him back. I figured maybe something had happened to someone at work. When he answered I asked him what was going on, and he responded that "Casey is dead."
It took me a while to figure out who he was talking about since the only Casey I knew was my ex-boyfriend and I momentarily forgot that Daren and I had discussed the fact that we both knew him.

"Casey?..." was my intelligent reply.

"Yeah, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. He killed himself on Thursday." Poor Daren went on to explain how he heard from his friend who used to date Casey, and she found out from Casey's roommates who found him Thursday night. Daren was kind enough to let me know about it, instead of letting me be the last to know that someone I used to love... someone I still care about very much, killed himself.

I don't know how he did it, I probably don't want to. But there is a certain amount of morbid curiosity that's pushing me to find out the how and why of things. If there is a service I'm going to do my best to be there, and at least make my presence known among his friends so that at least they'll know that even though I hadn't seen him in a long time I still cared.
I just can't understand why. Why would someone do that? Especially him, he was a great guy, everyone loved him, he had everything going for him.

Honestly the hardest part of this is that he's the guy that I've always wondered about. Everyone has someone from their past that they wonder about. What if I had a second chance with that person? What would happen?
He was mine.

No second chances.

No what-ifs.

Not even a chance to say I'm sorry, I loved you, but I moved on.

Just an empty space in the world where he used to be.

The Bad

Thursday morning I woke up at 8:30, got dressed, kissed Mags goodbye, and headed up north to Washington for Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I got there at about 10:30 and was amazed at Shaun's house, they recently bought it and have been doing a lot of remodeling on the 1915 Victorian mansion. It's fucking gorgeous. I'll post pictures soon.
The turkey didn't get done until 3, so I was conscripted into fixing everyone's computers until it finished cooking.

When it did finish we all sat down to our meal and I ate as little as I could get away with as quickly as I could and ended up leaving before dessert so that I could get back on the highway before dark and drive the 3+ hours home in time to get to bed early so I could be at work the next morning.

The drive back was miserable, it was not only raining but foggy at the same time. If not for the taillights of the guy in front of me I wouldn't have been able to stay on the road at all.
That is definitely 3 hours I would never want to have to relive.

I got home and went to bed, went to work Friday, and Saturday and then drove out to my dad's Saturday night.

I didn't even get to have pie. Or leftover turkey sandwiches. Or have champagne with my Thanksgiving dinner because I had to drive.
What a letdown.

The Good

Wednesday went particularly well for me. Tuesday night my sister and her kids stayed at my house before driving up to Washington on Wednesday morning. We had Chinese food and got to relax and have a fun evening together. She even brought me the newest Laurie Notaro book since we are both such big fans. And she informed me that Laurie recently moved to Eugene. Yay! That's almost as cool as Bruce Campbell living in Ashland.
Wednesday morning I went to work for a half an hour. I know, that seems really stupid. My boss insisted on it though, because if I didn't work a scheduled shift on Wednesday and Friday I wouldn't get the holiday pay for Thursday. So I came in at 9:30 and opened up the front and then left for my two day vacation.

I sat around the house for a while, took a long bath, packed a few things, read some of my book, then finally got bored at about 1:30 and decided to leave a little early. I hadn't planned on leaving until about 3 because it's only an hour and a half drive to get to Mags's place, and he wasn't gonna be off work until 5. But I'm glad that I got bored and left early cuz once I got on the freeway I realized my mistake. I had not calculated holiday traffic into the equation! Those people are MANIACS! I got on the freeway at about 2, and decided to be safe by staying in the slow lane (which I hate because everytime someone wants in I have to avoid being crushed by them). I rode along at about 60 mph (as opposed to my usual 85 mph)for a half hour or so before everything suddenly came to a grinding halt. Traffic was backed up and moving about 5 miles per hour. So, for the next hour I sat back, listened to my music, bellowed along with the lyrics, smoked, drank my soda and nibbled on my bag of Chex mix. The whole time smiling and laughing my ass off at all the pissed off drivers to my left who were once going 90 down the highway and had been reduced to 5 mile an hour teeter tottering next to my overly happy ass. I smiled, I waved, I let people in front of me, who then jumped into the fast lane only to see me pass them in the slow lane ten minutes (and about 400 feet down the road) later.
It was great, and I was glad as hell, when I drove past three accidents, that I had left early enough to make it to my destination safely and on time.

In fact, despite the fact that the drive took me 2 and a half hours I was still early enough to stop and pick up Taco Bell before Mags got home from work.
The two of us headed off to the concert and had a great time.
For my first concert... it was AWESOME! Gwen was just great, she really put on a good show. And she's even cuter in real life. Mostly because she's not as skinny in real life as she is on screen. They use camera lenses that make her look skinnier. To all the women out there wishing they looked like Gwen stefani... my guess is she's either a size 8 or 10. Not a 4.
She's got great legs though. Mags and I both spent the rest of the night talking about her legs, and how if one of us called the other Gwen in the middle of the night it should not be taken as an insult.
He not only spoiled me by taking me to the concert but he also bought me a hoodie from it. I have the best boyfriend ever. He explained that he got me a large not because I'm large or anything but because he thought I would prefer it, which I do. And I prefer having an oversized hoodie to having a teeny tiny tank top that doesn't cover my nipples and that I wouldn't dare wear in public for fear of being arrested for indecent exposure.

That was my good day. I fell asleep smiling and woke up the next morning smiling as well.

More MeMes

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Your Fortune Is

Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

That one lies, I was a geek, not an all american kid.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Okay, my fridge looks full, but all that's really in it is condiments, tortillas, milk, butter, and an assload of leftover Chinese food.

My freezer, packed to the gills. And even somewhat organized!

Self-portrait Tuesday. Making dinner, a delicate blend of penne pasta, chopped vegetables, and garlic alfredo sauce.... all from a bag found in my local frozen food aisle.

Chepner's Challenge

The name of the town where you were born


Port Townsend, Washington.

The name of the town where you live now


Apparently this is Eugene. He's under the influence.

Your name


Pretty self explanatory.

Your grandmother's name (just pick one)


Damn, gramma, when did you get hot?

Your favorite food


MMMMM, Sourdough bread!

Your favorite drink



yummy mocha.

Your favorite song


Just Breathe, this is the just breathe scene from Ever After.

Your favorite smell



sandalwood. Earthy, yet comforting and even a bit erotic.

There we go that's my response to the MeMe.

I beg you, I beg you! Mercy!!

My daughter has an over developed sense of drama sometimes. She's sitting behind me playing with the Sasha-demon and squeaking out "Ibegyou, MERCY!!".

Where the hell does she learn this stuff?

So apparently I haven't posted in five days, I wasn't counting, but Segue was. Look! I'm posting.
Honestly, I haven't posted because this week has been absolute hell. My supervisor, Cyndi, has been out sick all week, and since our management team has 'issues' we didn't have any backup to fill in for her. On Wednesday me, Molly, and Jen processed 125 donors. Ten of which were new donors. Since new donors take forever that means that basically two of us processed 125 donors that day while the other person was making new charts. We are fucking AWESOME!

Did I mention the fact that one of the two people in my area that I don't get along with decided to quit when I started getting trained as a phlebotomy tech? Personally, I would have preferred that he get fired, just so that he could understand that he was not an asset to the team. Since he quit though he can keep deluding himself into thinking that he was the best screener that we had. Anyway, had I known he would quit if I got cross-trained before him I would have offered to do it sooner. Don't get me wrong though, he was a very nice guy and a lot of people at work liked him, but he was utterly useless when it came to working and he didn't follow direction well. I am glad to see him gone. Things run smoother up front now despite the fact that his leaving means we are even more understaffed than before.

So, this is why I haven't posted lately. i have been working my butt off. i need a vacation.
i can't even capitalize properly anymore!

Now I need to go and clean my house... I will post more later.

Self-Portrait Tuesday. As requested, this is my self-portrait. I have become a shadow of myself recently, and this is my expression of it.

I am retarded.

I haven't written squat lately, and I'm sorry. Things have been a bit hectic. I'm being trained at work as a phlebotomy tech (I do everything but stab) right now. Mags is in canada visiting friends for a little over a week, so I'm really missing him. Not that I haven't lived without him for two whole weeks before this, but he's farther away now. He probably doesn't get cell service in Calgary so I'm having to bite my own tongue and not whine too much about the fact that I can't even call him when I want to. Crappy.
The good thing is that the next time I see him will be for the Gwen Stefani concert Thanksgiving week. I'm so excited I might just wet myself.

Plus, I'm dirt frickin' poor right now (in case my post about wanting to be rich hadn't made that self-evident). Being dirt frickin' poor has a dramatic effect on my mood. I am bitchy, whiny, neurotic, rude, and just plain mean lately. This is one of the reasons I have been leaving the memes to do the work of blogging without my assistance.
I get paid on Friday which should alleviate some of my stress.

So anyhow, I should get back to other things now. Perhaps I'll have something more interesting to discuss at a later time. For now, good-night, don't let the bedbugs bite.

Why is my Fairy my Rising Sign?

I'm a damned Taurus, why is it my rising sign and not my sun sign? :(


Libra
September 24- October 23
Best
matches are Gemini, Libra, Taurus and
Leo.

This zodiac sign would make a good
judge, lawyer or politician. YOur ability to be
tactful and diplomatic in all cercumstances is
admirable, and a typical Libra trait. People
turn to you when they really need to figure out
some social or workplace issue. Candle light
dinners, walks on the beach, soft moonlight on
a summer's night. These are the things that you
treasure because you are one of the most
romantic of the signs. Others can win your
heart by doing simple things, like flowers and
cards. Very easy going and likeable, others
will find your company a pleasure to enjoy.
Even though you are outgoing, you are also
suprisingly peaceful and calm of
spirit.

Negative traits-Indecisive,
changeable, gullible, easily infuenced,
flirtatious and self-indulgent


which zodiac fairy are you???UPDATED detailed answers
brought to you by Quizilla

Transexual Me.

Since Bruce Campbell is already taken, I choose:


Ranma
I know, he's a cartoon character, but he's who I'd be.


If I can't have a cartoon character then I choose:


Captain Jack Sparrow (or any other Johnny Depp persona). Johnny is my hero, and quirky to boot!

A little late I know, but I took this pic of one of those thieving squirrels gnawing away at our pumpkin a couple weeks ago. He wasn't very camera shy.

this is my contribution to the inanimate art project. I know, it looks like a 5 year old drew it. But it really was me. I used to be artistic, I swear, but I lost it along the way. This is the snowman snowglobe that my girlie bought me for Christmas two years ago. It is an inanimate thing that I love because it was the first thing she ever got me that was a surprise and a joy and showed that she was really thinking about what I would want.

Calling all friends

I need some help.
Fineartist had a great post today, that got me thinking. I could use a little help from you all who know me so well. Have I ever had a tomato-smashing-style "psycho-woman" episode? I don't think I have but I'm not sure, and maybe one of you remembers something that I don't.

I'm just missing out on so much in life if I've never done that. Not that I'd want to do anything psycho to Mags; of course he hasn't done anything to deserve it either. Honestly, I don't think he'd ever be able to do anything that would provoke me into actual fury. I'm just not good at fury, I'm good at bottled up frustration and forgiveness.

I want to be rich

I know money won't solve all of my problems, and comes with problems of its own, but I want to be rich. 75% of my daily stress stems from the fact that I just don't have enough money to cover my needs (let alone my wants), the other 25% comes from not having enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. Some of my time-related stress could be alleviated by having a greater income, because I could afford to take more time off for things that I need to do or I could afford to pay someone else to do them for me. For instance, doing laundry is a major chore because I not only have to pay for soap and fabric softener, but I also have to run to the bank to buy a roll of quarters, I have to do my laundry between the hours of 9 am and 9pm, and I have to stay on the premises while it is running because if my laundry is sitting in the machines when someone else wants to use them my clothes will be confiscated by management. With more money I could live in a house with my own washer and dryer and I could start the laundry before leaving for work, and finish it when I got back. I could do laundry in the middle of the night, or let it sit for days in the dryer. I wouldn't have to drive all the way to the bank for quarters before I could wash a pair of socks ever again.

It's the little things. It really is.

I noticed this week that I have been far less of a joy to be around than usual. I'm pretty sure this has to do with the fact that my last paycheck covered my rent and left me with about $28 to make it through the next two weeks. I make about $1200 a month net, I work more than 40 hours a week most of the time, I'm putting in extra hours off the clock trying to get my training done so that I can get my promotion and thereby increase my income, my food stamps were cut from $265 to $44 this month, my babysitter quit on me and is only continuing to watch my kid until the promotion goes through because I just can't afford anyone else, and my daughter is telling her teacher that I don't spend enough time with her.

You can see why I'm a bit stressed? Why I just want to be rich right now? Why I'm not feeling particularly social? Why I'm falling apart?!

Tammi, I don't have the money or gas to get to Boobies'N'Balls night, but I hope you guys have a great time.
Des, I know you are high maintenance, I knew that when I signed up for this friendship, but you're just going to have to cope until Derek's birthday because I don't get paid until the 18th.

How sweet it is to be...

me.

Mags came out last night. Despite the fact that it was the middle of the week, and he worked graveyard all week, and had a meeting yesterday afternoon before driving down here. He came down to see me because I won't get to see him for two whole weeks while he's in Canada. So the next time we get together will be for the Gwen Stefani concert on the 23rd. I will be sad until then.

Anyway, the point is that he is so sweet that he went to all that trouble just to see me. I am shocked. I didn't even ask him to, but since he was sick over the weekend he offered to try to visit during the week.
Just shocked.

Last night was fun even though it was cut short by the fact that we were both exhausted from work and I had to get up early and head off to work and take Mina to school. We still had a good time, Sasha went turncoat on me though and slept between us instead of her usual place right next to my head. That little brat. She likes him better. I don't really blame her though, I like him better than her. At least he doesn't climb up my leg with his claws in full fury when I'm trying to eat.

Me too, Me too!

And I didn't even have to cheat for it!


Gimme some sugar baby.


Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
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What the Hell is That Supposed to Mean?!

Ready for a sweet revolution? At the very moment when the polarities are at the extremity of their opposition, they will mutate into a state of dynamic unity. The struggle between the light and dark will dissolve in the face of a rejuvenating catharsis, becoming more like a collaboration. There'll be a breathtaking cessation of the conflict between logic and intuition, civilization and nature, and masculine and feminine. The truce will not only be fascinating; it will also spawn a synergistic brainchild that has enormous healing potential. The end of strife has rarely had such great potential for generating high adventure.

Remember Me?

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Cats don't take good pictures when a flash is needed. Look at those glowing demonic eyes! This is mina's new kitty Sasha. I named her, and told Mina her name when I brought her home, because otherwise she (like every other creature Mina names) would be named Chloe. Instead she is Sasha, and I even rubbed my nose on her when we first met to be sure I wasn't allergic to her. I'm not sneezing yet, so I think we're okay.

Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

I'm getting a kitty.
I take that back, I'm getting Mina a kitty for her birthday. Since her birthday is next week, and after paying my rent with this check I will have $22 left in my bank account, I decided to go cheap and get us a free kitten instead of trying to wrangle enough money for presents.
I spent about $30 on my credit card on kitty stuff, and now I just have to find a kitty. I think it will be a very unexpected gift that she will just love, and I've been wanting one for the past 3 years too. I just haven't been willing to get a cat until now because my income was never very steady and despite really wanting one I'm not the type of pet owner to get a pet because I want one but then never pay it any attention or take care of it. So, I have waited. Now is a good time. I am a little concerned that it won't get enough attention during the day since we're both gone a lot, but since Bonnie comes in regularly I figure that she will help pick up the slack in the attention department.
I have to make sure it's a short hair kitty too, because for some damned reason I've developed a cat allergy recently. i'm not allergic to some cats, but I am to others. I still haven't figured out how exactly that works, but it's true. Kithawa, Basil, Baby, and Zazu I have no reaction to at all; but Iggy, Panther and a few others I do have a reaction to. It isn't really a matter of short-hair or long either cuz Kithawa has long hair and doesn't bother me; it's not a matter of how often they're bathed cuz Kithawa never gets a bath, while I'm pretty sure that Iggy probably does. I don't know, it's weird. I figure I'll just go take a look at a litter of kittens and rub my nose on each of the kitties until I find one that doesn't make it itch. :)

So anyway, now everybody knows what Mina is getting... but don't tell! Don't let the cat out of the bag.

Stuff Happening...

on the work front.

I don't really want to say much lest I jinx myself. (I'm a bit superstitious that way.)

It could be reeeeaaally good, or it could be not so good.

*knock on wood*

I will elucidate later.

Lap Dances

Bonnie is trying to kill me.
We were talking the other night about how much weight I've lost and I mentioned the fact that I don't have any tone despite the fact that I'm slimming down. So she decided to start getting my butt into gear after the kids are in bed and making me do her exercise tapes with her.
Tonight was my first workout.
30 minutes of pilates: If you don't know, pilates are exercises that look simple, like child's play even, but use every goddamned muscle in your body that you didn't know you had until they started to hurt. And boy do they ever hurt. I thought Mags's visit this weekend left my legs stiff.. that is nothing to what that evil pilates bitch did to me tonight.

This was followed by Carmen Electra's Lap Dance exercise video. Woo-hoo. Kill three birds with one stone. First, I get to exercise. Second, I get to attempt to be sexy while exercising (not an easy thing to do), and transfer some of that sexiness into the bedroom arena (please refer to previous post entitled 'Vanilla'). Third, I get to watch Carmen Electra do a lap dance!

It was not as much fun as I had hoped. I learned some things about myself tonight:
-I am very bad at being sexy.
-I spent more time ogling Carmen's attributes than learning to do the moves.
-Flinging my hair around like a stripper just gives me whiplash.
-I have NO rhythm.
-I'm really out of shape.
-And sadly, there is no chance in hell that I will ever become a stripper.

Bonnie on the other hand was doing a great job, and making me look bad.
We'll try again tomorrow (if I can move tomorrow), maybe it'll get better with practice. Or maybe I'll just dig a hole, throw myself in, and cover it up, praying that I will be reborn with a sense of rhythm and Carmen Electra's body.

Vanilla

I am vanilla.

Damn.

Apparently I am vanilla in bed. This is not okay with me. I'm not angry or butt hurt that he said I was vanilla, I asked for the truth. He even said that it didn't matter to him that I'm vanilla cuz he likes me anyway.

But still, what a shock. I have never been vanilla. I just want to know when did this happen?!
When did I become this boring?

Me. The band camp girl, the one who sat back and laughed while watching my stepmom eat the Cool Whip that I had used for other purposes the night before (which by the way, I don't recommend.. it's not worth the nappy rash), the one who used to have the rep of being able to suck a golf ball through 60 feet of surgical tubing (although I don't know where that rep came from since I'd never given head at that point in time). I was a slut! And a good one. I've tried everything, I've enjoyed some of it and paid the price for some of the rest (like having my friends taunt me about certain episodes in my sex life). I've done it in more rooms and cars, hot tubs and tents than I can remember. I've slept with 23 people (one of which was female). I've had threesomes, experienced the joys of voyeurism, I've been tied up, blindfolded, oiled, even have knives run up and down my back, and tried every position in the book. So I admit, I'm a little rusty. Sex with only one person for such a long time, especially when that person gave up experimenting a long time ago followed by a long stint of abstinence can do that to a girl.
I do have some hangups in the bedroom, but they are things that with time, trust, and a little more stubbornness on my part can be dealt with.

How the hell did I become vanilla?!

I was shocked to hear this, although I had suspected it for some time. And I am determined to rectify the situation. My stubborn streak has set in, I refuse to be vanilla. Anybody have any suggestions?