And The Ugly
This is the hard part.
I was driving home this morning, and when I got close to town my cell phone finally got service. I had a message waiting from 11:30 last night.
It was Daren from work saying that he was sorry to call so late but I should call him back as soon as possible.
I was pondering what could have happened to get him so upset while I called him back. I figured maybe something had happened to someone at work. When he answered I asked him what was going on, and he responded that "Casey is dead."
It took me a while to figure out who he was talking about since the only Casey I knew was my ex-boyfriend and I momentarily forgot that Daren and I had discussed the fact that we both knew him.
"Casey?..." was my intelligent reply.
"Yeah, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. He killed himself on Thursday." Poor Daren went on to explain how he heard from his friend who used to date Casey, and she found out from Casey's roommates who found him Thursday night. Daren was kind enough to let me know about it, instead of letting me be the last to know that someone I used to love... someone I still care about very much, killed himself.
I don't know how he did it, I probably don't want to. But there is a certain amount of morbid curiosity that's pushing me to find out the how and why of things. If there is a service I'm going to do my best to be there, and at least make my presence known among his friends so that at least they'll know that even though I hadn't seen him in a long time I still cared.
I just can't understand why. Why would someone do that? Especially him, he was a great guy, everyone loved him, he had everything going for him.
Honestly the hardest part of this is that he's the guy that I've always wondered about. Everyone has someone from their past that they wonder about. What if I had a second chance with that person? What would happen?
He was mine.
No second chances.
No what-ifs.
Not even a chance to say I'm sorry, I loved you, but I moved on.
Just an empty space in the world where he used to be.
I was driving home this morning, and when I got close to town my cell phone finally got service. I had a message waiting from 11:30 last night.
It was Daren from work saying that he was sorry to call so late but I should call him back as soon as possible.
I was pondering what could have happened to get him so upset while I called him back. I figured maybe something had happened to someone at work. When he answered I asked him what was going on, and he responded that "Casey is dead."
It took me a while to figure out who he was talking about since the only Casey I knew was my ex-boyfriend and I momentarily forgot that Daren and I had discussed the fact that we both knew him.
"Casey?..." was my intelligent reply.
"Yeah, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. He killed himself on Thursday." Poor Daren went on to explain how he heard from his friend who used to date Casey, and she found out from Casey's roommates who found him Thursday night. Daren was kind enough to let me know about it, instead of letting me be the last to know that someone I used to love... someone I still care about very much, killed himself.
I don't know how he did it, I probably don't want to. But there is a certain amount of morbid curiosity that's pushing me to find out the how and why of things. If there is a service I'm going to do my best to be there, and at least make my presence known among his friends so that at least they'll know that even though I hadn't seen him in a long time I still cared.
I just can't understand why. Why would someone do that? Especially him, he was a great guy, everyone loved him, he had everything going for him.
Honestly the hardest part of this is that he's the guy that I've always wondered about. Everyone has someone from their past that they wonder about. What if I had a second chance with that person? What would happen?
He was mine.
No second chances.
No what-ifs.
Not even a chance to say I'm sorry, I loved you, but I moved on.
Just an empty space in the world where he used to be.
posted by AnywhereEden | 8:23 PM
5 Comments:
Hard stuff, Ariel. So often there just isn't an explanation for the hard stuff. I'm really sorry. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
Yeah, hugs from me, too.
A few years ago, my friend's brother was arguing with his dad, and pulled a gun on him, and ended up shooting himself.
My friend called me early on and asked me if I could come pick him up, because he didn't want to be around the arguing. We spent the entire night smoking methamphetamine. I dropped him off around sunrise, and he called me a few minutes later, and said simply:
"He did it."
I knew both of them for my entire life. I can't imagine what my friend felt like after that.
(note: I don't do that shit anymore. Ick.)
I have a shoulder.
It's a little bony, but good.
Thanks guys.I appreciate the shoulders, bony or not. The funeral is on Thursday, and my boss is letting me take some time off to go.
This is especially hard to deal with, yah. It’s just not something we understand, and the stigma attached is not good.
Pain.
Painful.
Sucks, hugs and maybe a beer, Lori
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