Lap Dances
Bonnie is trying to kill me.
We were talking the other night about how much weight I've lost and I mentioned the fact that I don't have any tone despite the fact that I'm slimming down. So she decided to start getting my butt into gear after the kids are in bed and making me do her exercise tapes with her.
Tonight was my first workout.
30 minutes of pilates: If you don't know, pilates are exercises that look simple, like child's play even, but use every goddamned muscle in your body that you didn't know you had until they started to hurt. And boy do they ever hurt. I thought Mags's visit this weekend left my legs stiff.. that is nothing to what that evil pilates bitch did to me tonight.
This was followed by Carmen Electra's Lap Dance exercise video. Woo-hoo. Kill three birds with one stone. First, I get to exercise. Second, I get to attempt to be sexy while exercising (not an easy thing to do), and transfer some of that sexiness into the bedroom arena (please refer to previous post entitled 'Vanilla'). Third, I get to watch Carmen Electra do a lap dance!
It was not as much fun as I had hoped. I learned some things about myself tonight:
-I am very bad at being sexy.
-I spent more time ogling Carmen's attributes than learning to do the moves.
-Flinging my hair around like a stripper just gives me whiplash.
-I have NO rhythm.
-I'm really out of shape.
-And sadly, there is no chance in hell that I will ever become a stripper.
Bonnie on the other hand was doing a great job, and making me look bad.
We'll try again tomorrow (if I can move tomorrow), maybe it'll get better with practice. Or maybe I'll just dig a hole, throw myself in, and cover it up, praying that I will be reborn with a sense of rhythm and Carmen Electra's body.
We were talking the other night about how much weight I've lost and I mentioned the fact that I don't have any tone despite the fact that I'm slimming down. So she decided to start getting my butt into gear after the kids are in bed and making me do her exercise tapes with her.
Tonight was my first workout.
30 minutes of pilates: If you don't know, pilates are exercises that look simple, like child's play even, but use every goddamned muscle in your body that you didn't know you had until they started to hurt. And boy do they ever hurt. I thought Mags's visit this weekend left my legs stiff.. that is nothing to what that evil pilates bitch did to me tonight.
This was followed by Carmen Electra's Lap Dance exercise video. Woo-hoo. Kill three birds with one stone. First, I get to exercise. Second, I get to attempt to be sexy while exercising (not an easy thing to do), and transfer some of that sexiness into the bedroom arena (please refer to previous post entitled 'Vanilla'). Third, I get to watch Carmen Electra do a lap dance!
It was not as much fun as I had hoped. I learned some things about myself tonight:
-I am very bad at being sexy.
-I spent more time ogling Carmen's attributes than learning to do the moves.
-Flinging my hair around like a stripper just gives me whiplash.
-I have NO rhythm.
-I'm really out of shape.
-And sadly, there is no chance in hell that I will ever become a stripper.
Bonnie on the other hand was doing a great job, and making me look bad.
We'll try again tomorrow (if I can move tomorrow), maybe it'll get better with practice. Or maybe I'll just dig a hole, throw myself in, and cover it up, praying that I will be reborn with a sense of rhythm and Carmen Electra's body.
posted by AnywhereEden | 10:34 PM
2 Comments:
You can't have Carmen's body. It's hers, dear.
You have your own body and it's cute.
Great boobs and you fill out a shirt, what more do you want?
Plus, good hair and everything.
(I don't know that people can ever be as sexy as Carmen. I think she praticed for years. How sexy is the sex face anyway? Not very, if you ask me.)
I am sorry you are sore. Whipping my hair around gives me a headache. I can't get it to do the cute flippy thing anyhow. :s
well, I admit, the sex face isn't very sexy. Jen calls Chris's sex face his "Yucky Shower Face".
But I would like to at least be sexy up until the undressing part happens. Just for that short period of time.
Post a Comment
<< Home