It's a Sad Day in Townsville

While I was out Daren called.
He wanted to give me some bad news.

Cindy died.



I guess she was out of work the past two weeks with pneumonia, and then when she came back she was acting really weird and lethargic, and they got the news on Monday that she'd passed away over the weekend.

She was my friend, my mentor, the bright spot in my day, she was very much a mother-figure for me, and I miss her and love her. I'm thinking that spending a little time to send up a prayer or two would be good.
I have a really hard time with death, and recently I've had to deal with it more than expected. I have trouble acknowledging the finality of death, it just doesn't sink in, because I just can't imagine a world without Cindy or Casey or anyone. They are part of my life and I have trouble remembering that I can't expect to run into them and exchange "hi, how are you's" anymore.

Why does it seem like death is creeping closer to me? Last year I could say that I didn't know of anyone who had died that I was close to except my grandpa, but he was old and ready to move on. Not that that's any consolation, but he had lived his life and it wasn't such a shock to lose him. Now I have noticed that the people who are dying are getting closer and closer to my heart.

I guess that's a selfish way of putting it. But I don't want to deal with death and grieving right now. I want to be happy and productive and feel like even though I'm not there, all the people I care about are still happy and living their lives back in Eugene. Instead I get news that someone is gone, and I can't even be there for the service.