Good Morning Bloggers
I got my Egg McMuffin and my Mocha, the breakfast of champions. Oh yeah.
On my way to Mickey D's and Dutch Bros. I was listening to my morning radio show, the Bob and Sheri Show, and I heard this:
The best thing a parent can do for their kids is not to NEED them.
They were having this deep conversation with a parenting book author about how having your whole life revolve around your kids is unhealthy for you and for them. It's a big responsibility for a child to feel that their parent's world revolves around them. And moms are particularly prone to this mentality because it is programmed into our social structure that when you have a child you no longer get to live your own life, your job is being mom, your friends are your kids, going out means going out to a kid's birthday party, etc. You may as well have moved to a different planet once you have a child.
People are calling up and crying on the radio about their loss of identity to their children. I don't really get this. I understand the loss of identity, I have been called "Mina's Mom" by many people for a long time. I no longer have a name. What I don't get is how people can let having children become a shutoff valve to all of their other goals for their lives. Is this a generational thing? Why can't we have both?
Corporate mentality. The american corporate mentality of product outcome being more important than employee satisfaction, quality input, or customer needs. Our children are our product, and our needs and wants take a backseat in order to produce the most profitable product. Why can't my workplace or any workplace work with the fact that I have a child? What about having childcare facilities on the premises for employees with kids? Or scheduling shifts around school hours? I work five days a week, roughly 40 hours, yet the excuse at 8 pm for my needing to leave work (despite the fact that we closed at 7) of having to get my daughter home and in bed because she has school in the morning, is looked at with distain by my boss. She straight up stared at me like I was crazy, and could not comprehend why a.)I didn't have someone else to do that for me, and b.) I wouldn't rather stay for a whole 12 hours that day instead of getting my kid in bed at a reasonable time so that she would have a good day the next day at school. This woman has three kids! Obviously they haven't slowed down her career goals. But at the same time despite the fact that she works up to 15 hours a day, when she has time off she'd rather go out drinking than spend some time with her kids. Her world in no way revolves around them, and that's good, but at the same time I keep wondering 'when does she ever take time to be Mom?'. And the truth is that she doesn't.
In conclusion... yeah, your kids shouldn't be your whole world but you shouldn't be absent from theirs either. There has to be a balance between time for yourself and time for work and time for them.
Anybody else have any thoughts? C'mon, you know you've got something to say....
On my way to Mickey D's and Dutch Bros. I was listening to my morning radio show, the Bob and Sheri Show, and I heard this:
The best thing a parent can do for their kids is not to NEED them.
They were having this deep conversation with a parenting book author about how having your whole life revolve around your kids is unhealthy for you and for them. It's a big responsibility for a child to feel that their parent's world revolves around them. And moms are particularly prone to this mentality because it is programmed into our social structure that when you have a child you no longer get to live your own life, your job is being mom, your friends are your kids, going out means going out to a kid's birthday party, etc. You may as well have moved to a different planet once you have a child.
People are calling up and crying on the radio about their loss of identity to their children. I don't really get this. I understand the loss of identity, I have been called "Mina's Mom" by many people for a long time. I no longer have a name. What I don't get is how people can let having children become a shutoff valve to all of their other goals for their lives. Is this a generational thing? Why can't we have both?
Corporate mentality. The american corporate mentality of product outcome being more important than employee satisfaction, quality input, or customer needs. Our children are our product, and our needs and wants take a backseat in order to produce the most profitable product. Why can't my workplace or any workplace work with the fact that I have a child? What about having childcare facilities on the premises for employees with kids? Or scheduling shifts around school hours? I work five days a week, roughly 40 hours, yet the excuse at 8 pm for my needing to leave work (despite the fact that we closed at 7) of having to get my daughter home and in bed because she has school in the morning, is looked at with distain by my boss. She straight up stared at me like I was crazy, and could not comprehend why a.)I didn't have someone else to do that for me, and b.) I wouldn't rather stay for a whole 12 hours that day instead of getting my kid in bed at a reasonable time so that she would have a good day the next day at school. This woman has three kids! Obviously they haven't slowed down her career goals. But at the same time despite the fact that she works up to 15 hours a day, when she has time off she'd rather go out drinking than spend some time with her kids. Her world in no way revolves around them, and that's good, but at the same time I keep wondering 'when does she ever take time to be Mom?'. And the truth is that she doesn't.
In conclusion... yeah, your kids shouldn't be your whole world but you shouldn't be absent from theirs either. There has to be a balance between time for yourself and time for work and time for them.
Anybody else have any thoughts? C'mon, you know you've got something to say....
posted by AnywhereEden | 8:21 AM
6 Comments:
I would LOVE daycare on site.
It's never gonna happen. Sometimes we can bring our kids in. As long as they behave.
The DEVIL might look at me crazy if I mentioned needing to be home for my kid, but everyone else who HAS kids understands.
I don't know what to tell you honey. I know it's hard. Finding daycare is a pain in the ass, and especially for beyond the norm hours. :(
I am Derek's mom. I know that I need to get out occasionally, but I couldn't imagine going out every weekend.
Two comments in ONE MINUTE!!!
My job is the perfect balance for me. As long as I'm productive, my needing to call in late or to take a day off isn't questioned.
I don't know that I want much of a life outside Bridget. I want to be her Mamma, I want to be here for her the way mine wasn't for me. I want to be involved as much as I can, because I do work 8 hours a day and don't see her for long before she goes to bed.
I do need her in my life.
I'm proud that she is my life, because of the wonderfulness that is her.
I look back and can't imagine what I did with my time before she came along. It all just seemed so empty before she arrived.
I don't know that she's a product, or that I'm purposefully directing most of my energies her way. I want to. I want to do more, give her more of me, give her all of me.
I don't know that it's entirely unhealthy *for right now.* Now- when she's 24, we'll take another look at it *laugh*
I have 2 girls, 10 and almost 5. Both of them go to visit my mother in Michigan (we live in MA) for 3 weeks every summer. I've gotten both accolades and criticism for this. I don't work now, but I used to. I have to have the the balance of being 'not the momma' once in a while. I have girlfriends that I go out with once a month. I'll be going back to work next fall when my youngest goes to school. I don't do well if I'm home, but she does better if I am.
Pardon the babbling, but my point is balance is the key. I need to have time to be me. Then what I give my girls is the best.
Yes, very much.
My son goes and visits his father for a bit in the summer. (Half of it, but it's REALLY the only time he can spend a good amount of time with him, since he is in school) It's nice to have that time to not worry about a sitter and stuff.
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